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Contribute : Faith Unity
DATE RAPE
The following question was asked by a Catholic high school student in Santa Anna, California:
Is Date Rape Really Rape?
To my knowledge Catholic theology has not dealt with this specific question. While there are special factors involved with date rape, the basis for rape and date rape is the same. By concept rape can be physically forced, coerced, accomplished by deception, by taking advantage of a person without the facility to resist, or through the use of a drug. For the purposes of this presentation it is a non-consensual and non-spousal sexual encounter between male and female adults. (Special considerations concerning marital rape are dealt with latter.)
Sexual intercourse of an adult with a minor or a mentally limited person, even if consensual, or between minors, where there is disparity of years, either comes under or should come under statutory rape laws. Women who entice men into sexual intercourse for the purpose of getting pregnant with the intention of rejecting marriage, but with the expectation of child support and/or other gain, should be held accountable under statutory rape laws.
"Date Rape" additions: 2006 December 23
The Catechism of the Catholic Church limits its presentation on rape to the following:
- 2356 Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and charity. Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically evil act. Graver still is the rape of children committed by parents (incest) or those responsible for the education of the children entrusted to them.
Sexual proclivity, contrary to popular opinion, is just as rampant among females as it is males. A major difference being that a woman has a stronger desire for sexual intercourse during her fertile period and may be indifferent too, or not want relations at other times during her cycle. By nature she desires male companionship. [Added: 23 December 2006]
References from Sacred Scripture, while they do not deal with the use of drugs, make specific references in regard to the determination of rape.
Deut. 22:23-29
"If within the city a man comes upon a maiden who is betrothed, and has relations with her, you shall bring them both out to the gate of the city and there stone them to death: the girl because she did not cry out for help though she was in the city, and the man because he violated his neighbor's wife. Thus shall you purge the evil from your midst.
If, however, it is in the open fields that a man comes upon such a betrothed maiden, seizes her and has relations with her, the man alone shall die. You shall do nothing to the maiden, since she is not guilty of a capital offense. This case is like that of a man who rises up against his neighbor and murders him: it was in the open fields that he came upon her, and though the betrothed maiden may have cried out for help, there was no one to come to her aid.
If a man comes upon a maiden that is not betrothed, takes her and has relations with her, and their deed is discovered, the man who had relations with her shall pay the girl's father fifty silver shekels and take her as his wife, because he has deflowered her. Moreover, he may not divorce her as long as he lives."
What is the case regarding a female who is not a virgin or is not betrothed? Scripture leaves many questions open for development and independent judgement.
The urge for sexual intercourse is so strong and so prevalent that even otherwise honest men fail to act justly in regard to undesired sexual encounters.
2 Samuel 13:6-29
So Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick. When the king came to visit him, Amnon said to the king, "Please let my sister Tamar come and prepare some fried cakes before my eyes, that I may take nourishment from her hand."
David then sent home a message to Tamar, "Please go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some nourishment for him." Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was in bed. Taking dough and kneading it, she twisted it into cakes before his eyes and fried the cakes. Then she took the pan and set out the cakes before him. But Amnon would not eat; he said, "Have everyone leave me." When they had all left him, Amnon said to Tamar, "Bring the nourishment into the bedroom, that I may have it from your hand." So Tamar picked up the cakes she had prepared and brought them to her brother Amnon in the bedroom. But when she brought them to him to eat, he seized her and said to her, "Come! Lie with me, my sister!"
But she answered him, "No my brother! Do not shame me! That is an intolerable crime in Israel. Do not commit this insensate deed. Where would I take my shame? And you would be a discredited man in Israel. So please, speak to the king; he will not keep me from you."
Not heeding her plea, he overpowered her; he shamed her and had relations with her. Then Amnon conceived an intense hatred for her, which far surpassed the love he had had for her. "Get up and leave," he said to her. She replied, "No, brother, because to drive me out would be far worse than the first injury you have done me." He would not listen to her, but called the youth who was his attendant and said, "Put her outside, away from me, and bar the door after her." Now she had on a long tunic, for that is how maiden princesses dressed in olden days. When his attendant put her out and barred the door after her, Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long tunic in which she was clothed. Then, putting her hands to her head, she went away crying loudly.
Her brother Absalom said to her: "Has your brother Amnon been with you? Be still now, my sister; he is your brother. Do not take this affair to heart." But Tamar remained grief-stricken and forlorn in the house of her brother Absalom. King David, who got word of the whole affair, became very angry. He did not, however, spark the resentment of his son Amnon, whom he favored because he was his first-born. Absalom, moreover, said nothing at all to Amnon, although he hated him for having shamed his sister Tamar.
After a period of two years, Absalom had shearers in Baalhazor near Ephraim, and he invited all the princes. Absalom went to the king and said: "Your servant is having shearers. Please, your majesty, come with all your retainers to your servant."
But the King said to Absalom, "No, my son, all of us should not go lest we be a burden to you." And though Absalom urged him, he refused to go and began to bid him good-bye.
Absalom then said, "If you will not come yourself, please let my brother Amnon come to us." The king asked him, "Why should he go to you?" At Absalom's urging, however, he sent Amnon and all the other princes with him. Absalom prepared a banquet fit for royalty. But he had instructed his servants: "Now watch! When Amnon is merry with wine and I say to you, 'Kill Amnon,' put him to death. Do not be afraid, for it is I who order you to do it. Be resolute and act manfully."
When the servants did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded, all the other princes rose, mounted their mules, and fled.
In the above passages there were at least seven evils which took place:
- Amnon succumbed to lust.
- Amnon lied to his father David.
- Amnon practiced deception.
- Amnon committed an act of rape.
- Amnon committed an act of incest, a crime punishable by death.
- Amnon having taken away Tamar's virginity refused to take her as his wife.
Was the revenge Absalom took unjustified?
- King David committed an act of injustice by showing favoritism to his oldest son. David was widely known as a just man but still he had committed grave crimes in relation to uncontrolled passion.
Had his guilt in regard to his wife Bathsheba, obtained through adultery and murder, affected his judgement.
Was he in the position of so many today who know they have sinned and are not about to condemn anyone else for crimes even though they have repented and should understand that they have a moral obligation to justice regardless of their own past conduct. (2 Samuel 11:2-4 "One evening David rose from his siesta and strolled about on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing, who was very beautiful. David had inquiries made about the woman and was told, "She is Bathsheba, daughter of Eliam, and wife of (Joab's armor-bearer) Uriah the Hittite." Then David sent messengers and took her. When she came to him, he had relations with her, at a time when she was just purified after her monthly period. She then returned to her house.")
Horrible judgement came to David even though he had repented of his evil, but still he did not understand judgement at human hands could be less destructive than punishment at God's hand. (2 Samuel 12:11 Thus says the LORD: 'I will bring evil upon you out of your own house. I will take your wives while you live to see it, and will give them to your neighbor. He shall lie with your wives in broad daylight. 2 Samuel 12:14 But since you have utterly spurned the LORD by this deed, the child born to you must surely die.")
Will we humans ever learn?
God's desire for procreation to take place is so strong (Genesis 1:28 God blessed them, saying: "Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and all the living things that move on the earth." [God repeats this command in Genesis 9:1 and 7] ) that He has allowed latitude in regard to heterosexual intercourse, giving sinners adequate time to repent.
Additionally, laws were made relating to a woman's menstrual flow -- Leviticus 15:19 "When a woman has her menstrual flow, she shall be in a state of impurity for seven days. Anyone who touches her shall be unclean until evening. Lev. 15:25 "When a woman is afflicted with a flow of blood for several days outside her menstrual period, or when her flow continues beyond the ordinary period, as long as she suffers this unclean flow she shall be unclean, just as during her menstrual period. Lev. 15:28-29 "If she becomes freed from her affliction, she shall wait seven days, and only then is she to be purified. On the eighth day she shall take two turtledoves or two pigeons and bring them to the priest at the entrance of the meeting tent." -- The effect of these laws concerning uncleanness relate to the fact that during this period a woman is not capable of becoming pregnant. Also during periods of sexual inactivity the husbands sperm count increases. These are God's way of promoting greater numbers of pregnancies (preferably within the marriage context).
During a woman's limited period of fertility she has naturally enhanced desires for sexual activity and gives off sensual signals with which she may not be cognizant. It should be noted that Bathsheba had just completed her purification ritual when David committed adultery with her. She became pregnant following that one encounter. It would seem that she submitted to his advances without calling out or giving resistance as is required by law in regard to cases of rape. (Had she chosen the time of day for her bath when she knew David would be apt to see her from the roof of his palace? Was Bathsheba amorously bathing in a manner to attract attention to herself? What did she expect David to do when she told him she was pregnant?) NOTE: By Scriptural prescription when a man is preparing for, or is in battle, he is denied sexual activity. It can certainly be believed that Bathsheba's first husband, Uriah, is a Saint in Heaven.
At about fourteen years of age God instills, or allows to be instilled, in the male a strong impetus for sexual activity normally relating to developing and developed young females. This desire comes through orgasmic activity in direct dream association with females during the course of what is commonly referred to as wet dreams -- orgasmic ejaculation experiences. The propensity toward activity is latent since it was developed during an unconscious or semi-conscious state. An awareness of the presence of suppressed orgasmic sensuality can be easily brought to the surface by a female who attracts, either intentionally or unintentionally, by any number of means or methods.
It should be noted that indications of sexual activity at an earlier age should be attributed to outside influences. While early sexual promiscuity may warrant strong discipline, it does not have the character of latter sexual impulses and drives. Sources of promiscuous knowledge or witness should be inquired into and remedied. A parent's sense of embarrassment should be set aside in favor of resolving a potentially lifelong problem.
In our present promiscuous society, pre-adolescent children are acquiring from the media, schools, relatives, and friends a sexual proclivity not normally of interest to their ages. Society is breeding heightened sexual awareness and activity into children that should be understood for the potentially destructive force it can be. Strong discipline at these ages can be effective if properly administered with love and understanding. This is true because their strong hormonal drives have not yet been developed. During this stage of life, activity is, at its roots, primarily psychological.
Children need to be educated as to the proper function of sex and of its potentially destructive nature. Simple warnings of disease and the consequences of irresponsibility are insufficient. Training in anything except abstinence is counterproductive. School education programs should be previewed by parents and not used if significant (about 10%) parental protest is given. Explicit sexual education programs do more to foster sexual activity than to discourage it. Parents beware!
Contrary to some feminists propaganda, when a boy has an erection it is no different than when one, through reflex, stretches his or her muscles. It is not to be associated with sexual desires or activity. Also to be understood is that every human is endowed with some degree of natural curiosity in a variety of matters, including sex. Early curiosity should not be seen as having sexually active connotations. Sexual curiosity should be understood for what it is and appropriate answers given to questions asked. Parents should make relevant inquiry into sexual concerns at appropriate stages in life and treat the subject with proper respect.
For the male the acquired instinct for sexual activity is normally primary and other relationships, though important, are of secondary consideration. It is this instinct, along with societal pressures, which encourages a man to enter into a marriage contract and take responsibility for his wife and children. This last remains true only so long as a proper order in creation, which is coupled with responsibility, is kept in perspective. Feminism is a primary cause for this sense of responsibility to be ignored. Feminism and feministic freedoms have the effect of promoting injustice. The consequence of feminism is the emasculation of men. In the long term this is both destructive and potentially explosive with women and children being the losers. This is already evident in today's society. (Women's primary perspectives and reactions are oriented toward emotion; secondarily towards rationality. For men the reverse is commonly true.)
[In recent generations education has become more focused on how women best learn. ([NAB] 2 Tim. 3:6-7 For some of these slip into homes and make captives of women weighed down by sins, led by various desires, always trying to learn but never able to reach a knowledge of the truth.) [KJV] 2 Tim. 3:6-7 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.) Boys, past the age of seven, should increasingly and separately be taught by men who have a depth of understanding and wisdom. By age twelve the large majority of a boy's learning should be from men, with perhaps women only assisting in the routine aspects of education. Women, who have scientifically researched differences between men and women, acknowledge that the capacity and functioning of a females brain is different than a males. Feminists decry research into this area of life.]
With females the reverse is commonly true. Girls by nature have the desire to associate with males. Instinctively they sense in males a relationship which will lead to fulfillment. By doing what comes naturally, and through learning from peers and older women (gossip), it is not difficult for a female to get the attention of a male. Males, particularly those who have not yet attained sufficient self-discipline, can easily be caught off guard.
As with any sensually pleasurable (addictive-- smoking, drugs, alcoholism, sexual stimulation) encounter, each subsequent act strengthens the desire for repetition. When the male is not a God fearing person, or at least well disciplined, the desire for sexual encounter can increase to the point of his being indifferent to a charge of rape which could lead to imprisonment or, in some countries, death. It is for this reason Sacred Scripture (God) has placed heavy penalties on sodomy, adultery, incest, and rape.
Girls should be aware that even though they may not personally be or become a rape victim, their activities could be responsible for the rape of one or more other females. Females, who have hope in eternal life, should be restrictive in how they dress, how they act, and in what they say. Direct contact with a viable male, other than one's husband, should always be restricted. You are the winner if you save yourself for marriage.
DATE RAPE
The question of date rape requires careful scrutiny and evaluation:
- The purposeful use of a drug, to obtain sexual activity that would otherwise not have been obtainable, is always to be considered a crime of rape unless the drug was clearly requested.
- The use of injurious violence -- in regard to oneself, a family member, or a friend -- or the threat of use of a deadly weapon or device of disfigurement would also always be considered rape unless the assailant had been unduly provoked.
Morally the best action is to reject all efforts at sexual encounter even if it means great personal harm or death. To do otherwise aids in the promotion of future encounters, perhaps with numerous innocent victims.
If raped, a person should always immediately report the action to the appropriate authorities before bathing or doing anything else. Your relationship with both God and neighbor is at stake. Personal embarrassment or fear of criticism and untoward remarks should be set aside with the realization that it is "what God knows" that is important.
"Date Rape" revisions: 2006 December 23
- Concerning the degree of rape to be charged to the rapist, regarding the use of restricted force with no threat having been made (a woman must always be ready to meaningfully say no), the following associations in relation to the condition of the female should be taken into consideration :
- Was she dressed provocatively? (Form fitting and tight clothing and the percentage of lack thereof increases a females sensuality index and correspondingly decreases the validity for a claim of rape. [Absence of modest clothing above the elbow, below the collarbone, above the bottom of the calf, or a bare midriff, by degree, increases the sensuality index.] Freedom of dress incurs consequences for those who dress irresponsibly. NOTE 1: Unseen flesh on occasion stimulates curiosity. Exposed flesh encourages sensuality. NOTE 2: Mothers bear great responsibility for the manner in which a daughter is dressed.
Some forms of being cute or adorable can be provocative. Six year old JonBenet Ramsey of Boulder Colorado, who could be classified as both adorable and cute, was undoubtedly murdered because of her appearance and presentation. Her body was found about 1:00 p.m. on December 26, 1996. She was the winner of the 1995 Little Miss Colorado contest. She was the apparent victim of sex games -- perpetrated by either a male or female -- strangled and then bludgeoned to death.)
- Was she wearing enticing perfumes?
- Was she in the stage of her cycle wherein she was giving off her pheromone (a scent given off that is not consciously noticeable) ?
Fathers, husbands, and women themselves should be made aware of the effect of pheromone upon an undisciplined male. However the stage of the woman's cycle during which pheromone is released (the duration in which she is apt to become pregnant through sexual intercourse) never excuses any form of coercion used upon the female. She should always clearly say no to any attempt at non-legal intercourse. Apart from some limiting condition a husband does have reasonable rights to intercourse.
- Gn. 2:23 This one shall be called 'woman,' for out of 'her man' this one has been taken." 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.
- 1 Cor. 7:5 Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, to be free for prayer, but then return to one another, so that Satan may not tempt you through your lack of self-control.
- 1 Tim. 2:15 But she will be saved through motherhood, provided women persevere in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.
From a Biblical perspective intercourse is prohibited during a woman's menstrual period and for seven days thereafter. NFP - God's Version
- Were her facial expressions or bodily actions enticing or provocative?
- Did she permit or encourage petting or sexually oriented kissing?
- Did she maintain any sort of prolonged physical contact (includes hand holding)?
- In mannerisms or speech did she present herself as being sensual, that is, was she being a tease?
- Was she aware of the male having a sexually active history?
- Did she have a sexually active history which could have led to expectations?
The strength of sexual proclivity in the male must never be underestimated or downplayed. The strength of a female's desire for association with a male must also be given strong evaluation when there is a claim of date rape.
Non consensual sexual activity is always wrong and sinful even if legally acceptable under certain conditions in some countries. However, a woman who presents herself in a sensual fashion participates in the sin.
A woman's natural inclination is to be appealing to a man, most especially during her fertile period. To what degree should she have the right to provoke a man to the point where his instincts are triggered and his natural passions fight for control?
Procreation is important to God. He created man and woman with complementary instincts to achieve that end. He also gave us free will with the instruction to control our passions.
Rape is always wrong but so also is it always wrong to in any way, for either sex, to provoke the other to the point where passion may take control. Often it is dependent upon one's up bringing (conditions in the home or environment) that determines one's likelihood of loosing control. Relationships in life and the frequency of provocation play a major role in the desire to assert dominance. Frustration, feelings of inadequacy, and other factors are capable of promoting feelings of anger.
Lack of self control on the part of either the man or the woman is offensive to God. The existence of rape and other crimes bring into the open the sins being committed by individuals and society as a whole in response to the common failure to have a proper relationship with God. Neither sex has the right to commit any crime or to provoke another to crime. Using free will to the detriment of others also affects one's own position with God.
The Muslim insistence upon the burqa is recognition that by nature women visually attract the attention of men. On one occasion (about 1980 A.D.) while standing outside of the "Dome of the Rock" in Jerusalem (I would not enter because of the requirement to show deference to a false version of God by removing my shoes), a Muslim woman, perhaps a hundred or more feet away and clothed in a burqa with only her eyes showing, sensually used her eyes to attract my attention. I paid no attention to her. Considering the present condition of the world it is probable that if I had I would have been beaten or killed.
Women want to be desirable and commonly seek to appeal to men's baser instincts. The burqa, worn only in public not at home, is a form of protection for men so that their concentration may remain focused upon their jobs and natural duties in life that provide sustenance for their families. As you should be aware, sex easily becomes an addiction. The more one is exposed to addictive influences the more easily one can become subjected to them.
Should a woman have the right to encourage the loss of self control with anyone other than her husband?
Even in marriage sexual activity is to be restricted and exercised with self control. A man is never to force himself upon a woman. A woman is always to exercise appropriate decorum when around others. By speech or action she may not encourage sin without herself committing sin.
Lev. 15:18 "If a man lies carnally with a woman, they shall both bathe in water and be unclean until evening."
MARITAL RAPE
Special considerations regarding marital rape are as follows (NOTE: The marital contract binds both parties to give free moral access to the other party's body. This access cannot be unreasonably denied.):
- Possible motivations for not being open to sexual intercourse must be morally evaluated.
a. Was a desire not to have children central the reason for rejection? [Not acceptable]
b. Was the denial for sexual intercourse based upon sound medical concerns? [Acceptable]
c. Did the spouse have AID's or other active sexually transmittable disease? [Acceptable]
- Was the spouse drunk or under the influence of other drugs?
a. If so had this condition been a matter of repetition?
b. Had counseling been sought in regard to the addiction?
- Was there a history of violence involved in the sexual act?
- Were children or others present that would witness this private act?
- Was the perpetrator of sound mental capacity?
- Was the withholding of sexual encounter motivated by spite or a matter of vengeance?
- Was sex being withheld to gain personal advantage or financial benefit?
- Was the rule on uncleanness in relation to the woman's menstrual period being violated?
- Was uncleanness in regard to the male the concern? (Leviticus 15:32-33 "This is the law for the man who is afflicted with a chronic flow, or who has an emission of seed, and thereby becomes unclean; as well as for the woman who has her menstrual period, or who is afflicted with a chronic flow; the law for male and female; and also for the man who lies with an unclean woman.")
By nature men are physically stronger than women. While few in number, there are some women who enter into marriage and then deny sexual intercourse from some sense of fear or for some unsound reason. There is a point of time and circumstance in which some exercise of force would not be considered rape.
Men should be aware that in some women the hymen can only be penetrated surgically. Planned self-control should be a part of life throughout marriage as attested to by the Biblical restrictions on intercourse during a woman's menstrual period (Lev. 15:19).
WARNING
Important advice is given to fathers concerning their daughters in Sirach 42:11 (A daughter must not be able to be viewed from outside and she is not to have access to egress from her room where she can leave the house unnoticed):
Keep a close watch on your daughter,
lest she make you the sport of your enemies,
A byword in the city, a reproach among the people,
an object of derision in public gatherings.
See that there is no lattice in her room,
no place that overlooks the approaches to the house.
COMMENT: A daughter is under the authority of her father or appropriate male relative. A wife is under the authority of her husband. Religious women are under the authority of the Church. The unmarried and widows should marry if they cannot maintain self-control. (A male's authority must be prudent, just, loving, non-abusive, non-oppressive, and non-domineering. Neighboring males and Church officials [or secular authorities in the absence of church affiliation] have an obligation in justice to be alert for destructive use of authority and to provide remedies.)
Sir. 22:4f A thoughtful daughter becomes a treasure to her husband,
a shameless one is her father's grief.
A hussy shames her father and her husband;
by both she is despised.
Sir. 42:9f A daughter is a treasure that keeps her father wakeful,
and worry over her drives away rest:
Lest she pass her prime unmarried,
or when she is married, lest she be disliked;
While unmarried, lest she be seduced,
or, as a wife, lest she prove unfaithful;
Lest she conceive in her father's home,
or be sterile in that of her husband.
Sirach 42:14 Better a man's harshness than a woman's indulgence,
and a frightened daughter than any disgrace.
1 Cor. 7:8-9 Now to the unmarried and to widows, I say:
it is a good thing for them to remain as they are, as I do,
but if they cannot exercise self-control they should marry,
for it is better to marry than to be on fire.
Titus 2:3-5 Similarly, older women should be reverent
in their behavior, not slanderers, not addicted to drink,
teaching what is good, so that they may train younger women
to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, chaste,
good homemakers, under the control of their husbands,
so that the word of God may not be discredited.
SAFEGUARD
The best safeguard against rape is an enduring relationship with God. If God is recognized as the essential element for good human relationships -- also true within the context of marriage -- then one can be assured of His protection in matters we are not otherwise capable of handling. Never presume on God's love, great though it is, or expect His mercy when it is not warranted by an existing positive relationship with Him.
Perhaps the best Biblical example of having a positive relationship with God concerning sexual activity is found in Tobit 8:4-9:
When the girl's parents left the bedroom and closed the door behind them, Tobiah arose from bed and said to his wife, "My love, get up. Let us pray and beg our Lord to have mercy on us and to grant us deliverance."
She got up, and they started to pray and beg that deliverance might be theirs. He began with these words:
"Blessed are you, O God of our fathers;
praised be your name forever and ever.
Let the heavens and all your creation
praise you forever.
You made Adam and you gave him his wife Eve
to be his help and support;
and from these two the human race descended.
You said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone;
let us make him a partner like himself.'
Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine
not because of lust,
but for a noble purpose.
Call down your mercy on me and on her,
and allow us to live together to a happy old age."
They said together, "Amen, amen," and went to bed for the night.
"They were singing (what seemed to be) a new hymn before the throne, before the four living creatures and the elders. No one could learn this hymn except the hundred and forty-four thousand who had been ransomed from the earth.
These are they who were not defiled with women; they are virgins and these are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They have been ransomed as the firstfruits of the human race for God and the Lamb. On their lips no deceit has been found; they are unblemished." [Rev. 14:3-5]
Culture, politics, science, and societies change.
Basic human nature has never changed.
fr. david c. trosch - 29 may 1998
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