Stories of
Family
Destruction

Written and compiled by: Eleanor Ramsey

with Carol Carter  -  deceased: April 1996
A Post Abortion Suicide Victim

& Robin Rusich
A Post Abortion Stress Victim

© Copyright 1987, Revised 1997-98, by Eleanor K. Ramsey

Illustrations by Visions of Glory unless otherwise stated.

Published by: Life Enterprises Unlimited, P. O. Box 850307, Mobile AL 36685
                      Fax: 334-607-0082

*  Publisher's Comment:

       In many locations in this book, particularly in personal testimonies, there are references to aborted babies being in Heaven, or similar statements. Theologically this is unsound. There are no free rides into Heaven for anyone. Entry into Heaven requires faith in God and the activities that flow there from. Vicarious baptism does not satisfy the requirement of personal faith. It is comfortable, but purely humanistic, to believe and/or teach otherwise. At the instant of conception an eternal soul comes into being. It should be believed that in justice God gives each and every eternal soul a decisive opportunity for salvation. If the opportunity for salvation is not available in this life, then it must, in justice, be made available in an undefined existence of unknown duration after mortal death but before judgement.

          It is good to pray for the soul of any departed person in order that grace flowing from such prayers will aid them in their unfinished pilgrimage. Humanistic notions' presented for the purpose of temporarily making another feel good is in the long term counterproductive. Giving someone reason to pray for another is to encourage good. Women who have had an abortion, and have a basic belief in eternal life, should be given to understand that their child/children can benefit from their prayers. These prayers can be made starting with whatever degree of faith they currently have. Such prayers, when united with the desire for their own increase for faith in God, can benefit their children who are now on their own personal pilgrimage which will determine their salvation.  (Post abortion counselors should make special note of related beneficial therapy.)

       Since the Bible no where states that there is an age of accountability whereby those who die before that age will automatically be saved, why have we been told or how have so many come to believe that unborn babies murdered by abortion go straight to Heaven?

       Is it possible that we have been deceived by clergy of all denominations who would rather tell us what we want to hear than preach the truth of God's Word?

Introduction

CHAPTERS:

PART 1
1. Introduction
   
2. Abortion - Family Destroyer
   
3. Carol's Final Chapter
   
4. When Does Life Begin?
   
5. Why Did It Happen? What Went Wrong?
   
6. After Abortion Emotion Explosion
   
7. Bad Mother Syndrome
   
8. Sibling Pain and Social Problems
   
9. Family Turbulence
   
10. Father's Grief
    

PART 2
  11. Grieving Grandparents
  12. Love? Choice?
  13. The Day They Took Away My Choice
  14. Twins
  15. Hard Facts
  16. Careerist's Regrets
  17. Pressure to Abort
  18. Hormones
  19. Precious Gift; Lost But Not Forgotten
  20. The Burial

PART 3
  21. Adoption
  22. Black Genocide
  23. Confusion
  24. Psychological Problems
  25. Character Defect?
  26. Professional Counselors
  27. Lay Counselors
  28. Counseling Tips
  29. Health and Healing
  30. My God, My God
  31. Whose Opinion Counts?
  32. Run Away World
  33. Will God Soon Judge America?
  34. Epilog

CHAPTER 1:

During my child bearing years abortion was illegal, and I was led to believe that only "bad" women had them. As a result, when in 1982, I first became involved in Pro-Life work, I had some pre-conceived ideas about who had abortions and why they were obtained.

My first two days on the picket line made me see things I had not been prepared for. I formulated observations and questions.

First were concerns about exiting women:
1. "Why were the women coming out of there crying?"
2. "Why were women with fresh blood running down their legs not smiling?"
3. "If abortion was the solution to their problems, why were they shedding tears?

Additional questions came from observing departing men:
1. Why were two of the men crying?
2. Why were they not very happy?

I decided to ask and find out why. One of the men told me that this was their third child and they had no way to pay for the medical bills or even find food for the children they already had. A tattered car, tattered dirty faced children, told me he was telling me the truth. They did not want to end the life of their child but did not know what else to do in the best interest of all of their children, this one included.

The other man, a very well dressed man in a bright red sport car, very expensive, told me that they had had an affair, both were married and the baby could not be born. This man shed a lot of agonizing tears over a baby that would die because of his sin.

This was the beginning of my long journey into the lives of women and their families caught in the after-shock of abortion.

I read everything I could find on the abortion issue, both sides of it. I learned what happened to babies during an abortion, but nothing of what it did to the women afterwards.

While working at Life Enterprises Unlimited, it became clear that a crisis pregnancy center was needed for us to be able to reach these women. One of the questions on our intake form was, have you ever had an abortion? With that, the flood gates of horror stories were opened.

It also became clear that the pro-abortion forces do everything in their power to keep the facts regarding Post Abortion Trauma hushed up in the media. They want us to believe that abortion is a simple procedure that gives a quick fix to a supposed serious problem - that of having an "unwanted baby."

Women are being deceived today just as Eve was deceived in the Garden. The abortionist is not deceived, he sees the product of his deception and knows it is a baby. (I Timothy 2:13,14) For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

Women and their families are very often victims of one of the largest industries in the world. When our parents taught us as children to believe the medical profession, they did not know to warn us that it is not always safe to believe them in all circumstances. Too many pregnant women have told me that they were told by an abortionist, or his nurse, that "it" is not yet alive and definitely not yet a baby. Too many have believed the lie and have suffered terrible "post abortion stress" as a result of "safe legal abortion."

A large number of women have never been taught about fetal development and do not realize that the baby is alive from the instant of conception. It is common to hear of an "expectant mother," or "she is going to have a baby", etc. We very rarely hear, "she is a mother" from the beginning of the pregnancy. Without these facts being taught to our girls and young women from an early age, it may not occur to them when faced with the professional sales pitch of the abortionist trade, that the baby is alive at that moment. (Requirements of life after conception and after birth are the same: 1. nourishment, 2. shelter, 3. warmth, 4. protection, 5. love. The location is different but the needs in order to thrive are the same.)

Any time a person is in a crisis situation, a quick decision is very often the wrong one to make. The abortion industry knows this fact of life. They fight a 24 to 48 hour waiting period violently, especially for teenagers. They do not want parents to be involved in the decision process, or allow a time span where the woman could change her mind.

When talking with a woman who, for whatever reason, believes that she cannot have a child at this point in her life, it is important to remember that she is the one in the center of the storm. The baby will be spared if she can be convinced that there are other answers to her problem, and that you will be willing to go the extra mile to help her find those answers. Even the most hardened abortion-minded woman can often be persuaded to change her mind by a counselor who is compassionate, understanding and willing to help her. Problems are opportunities in disguise.

During my younger years I personally experienced most of the crisis situations that women face today. I was a teenage wife and mother. By age 19 three babies had been born. Later in that marriage two more babies were born. The first child was welcomed by his father, but then my husband and his mother decided there should be no more children with which he would be burdened. The pressure to self-abort was intense with my mother-in-law instructing me as to which procedure to use. I became a battered wife who was severely beaten every time I got pregnant. I was terribly naive in those days and no one told me about how a baby develops, not even my doctor. When the baby could be felt moving at about four months I realized then that it was alive.

I often wonder, if abortion was as accessible then as it is today, would my husband have succeeded in forcing me to have my babies killed? Those years were extremely hard, but I am glad that all of my children lived. If any of them had been aborted, I would not have some of my thirteen precious grandchildren and two great grandchildren.

Many do not understand how a woman can stay in such an abusive marriage as I was in. My reason was the same as many other young mothers. You know that if you leave him he will never pay child support. You will be forced to go to work at a job that does not pay enough for food, clothing, medical bills and other expenses. And then, who will care for the children? You are simply trapped. After fourteen years, divorce brought an end to the abuse.

In the early 50's there were no food stamps, thrift stores, yard sales, or any of the other options we have today. Making a small amount of money go far enough to buy anything but the bare necessities of life was difficult. During one pregnancy I wore the same dress every day then washed and hung it up to dry overnight so I could wear it again the next day.

Although I have never lost a child through abortion, three of my grand babies died within five months of birth. Through them I experienced the loss of babies and how such tragic events touch every member of the family.

Through the years working as a counselor I have willingly shared the stories of my crisis experiences with those who were in similar situations. Many women found strength in the fact that if I could make it through such crisis experiences, then maybe they could too. They were given HOPE.

All of the adverse experiences in my life have caused me to reach out to God, and sometimes to ask, "Why have these things happened?" I read the Book of Job in my Bible and found great strength in it. Job's suffering and loss were much greater than anything I will ever experience. Adversity can often bring about great strength in a person's life.

Most of the women I have worked with come from homes where their parents did not take the time to build strong trusting relationships with them. Many see me as a trusting mother figure. They found a person who would listen to all of their heartaches and problems, no matter how gross they may have seemed. One who will listen to them and then help them find answers to every day problems. God gave me the grace to "mother" a good many wounded young women.

As I consider what I have learned over the years, I know that simple human compassion is the chief criterion for helping women and their families in crisis situations. Abortion is not the answer to a "problem." Abortion is only the beginning to a whole new series of problems. I have been deeply touched by the scars and wounds that are etched in the minds, bodies, and souls of millions of women who have had one or more abortions. Statistics show that approximately one out of every three women of child bearing years in the United States of America today has had an abortion with many having post-abortion trauma.

I know that if it had not been for the grace of God, I too could easily be a Post-Abortion victim grieving over lost children. It was the love and grace of God that has allowed me to be available and able to help victim after tormented victim of "Safe Legal Abortion." Many real life stories are documented in this book.

NOTE: All testimonies are from Post-Abortion Syndrome (PAS) victims who have experienced them. All names have been changed except for Carol Carter and Robin Rusich who chose to have it that way. I met Carol while working at Life Enterprises Unlimited (LEU) a Crisis Pregnancy Center. We later worked together at Post-Abortion Information and Recovery Services (PAIRS), where we met Robin.

CHAPTER 2:

As stated by Dr. Vincent Rue, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist, and executive director of the Sir Thomas Moore Clinic of Southern California; Post Abortion Syndrome (PAS), is an adverse emotional reaction to abortion. It is similar to post traumatic stress disorder, a problem common among Vietnam War veterans and traumatized survivors of disasters. PAS is characterized by the denial of the reality that a life is terminated in an abortion. Victims may struggle for years before coming to grips with the fact that their abortion experience is the root cause of their problems.

Dr. Rue says that he credits many of the attitudes toward abortion in our society as contributing to the denial of abortion as a death experience. Many people discourage discussion about abortion and its aftermath and encourage people to put it out of their minds, claiming that time heals all wounds but according to Dr. Rue, time does not heal all wounds.

According to Dr. Rue, "What happens is that the abortion is buried; it is buried alive, deeply alive within the emotions of the person." Rue says that "Those professionals who deny that abortion is a death experience or try to tell a patient she has faulty values that need to be changed are actually worsening the patient's condition."

Dr. Rue states that only those who have been willing to go through the pain of re-experiencing their abortion have been significantly helped.

"There is hope for women and men experiencing Post-Abortion Syndrome," Rue says. "If they will acknowledge what an abortion really is and their involvement in that decision... then the hope is that they can forgive themselves, and they can move on in their lives.

SUSAN STANFORD RUE: Susan, a practicing psychologist, candidly reveals the tormenting thoughts and feeling that followed the abortion, which led her to depression and to the brink of suicide. "...More than a baby would die in that room ...Once I had had a personality, a life, a soul. Now I was a body with broken pieces inside. Susan's story in her book, "WILL I CRY TOMORROW," depicts the anguish of women who realize too late that they've destroyed a life.

"While abortion is often perceived as a relatively simple way to end an unwanted pregnancy, millions of women who abort their babies later suffer from consuming guilt and depression. They need healing and love in order to live with themselves."

Healing the wounds of abortion is much the same as the healing the wounds of other traumas. The one major difference is that A LIVING HUMAN BEING, AN INNOCENT CHILD, HAS BEEN DESTROYED INSIDE OF ITS MOTHER'S OWN BODY. The guilt and grief are therefore deeper and longer lasting than for any other type of psychological trauma.

The grief and the anguish must be dealt with for healing to begin. The process usually is lengthy with no quick fix. Quick fixes do not solve problems, they just produce larger ones.

Often the scar of the wound is buried so deep that the conscience memory does not contain it. Very often it has been stuffed and covered up with alcohol or hard drugs. As the wound opens, often other abortions come pouring out into the conscience memory from the recess where they were buried.

CHAPTER 3:

Carol Sue Carter 11/3/1960 - 4/20/1996

Carol worked side by side with me for several years, both in writing and in ministry. She could reach women that I could not because of her first hand knowledge regarding Post Abortion Syndrome (PAS). She had had three abortions before her last three children were born.

Carol picked apart every word when it was written to make sure that the reader would fully understand it's depth of meaning. She was never easy on herself. She was always insisting that I talk through with her every detail regarding PAS.

It has been four years now since I last saw her. She continued to call when her heart was heavy; and in happy times. Her last call to me was one month before her death. She called in the wee hours of the night and all she talked about for several hours was her children and how much she loved and missed them. This grieving mother spoke of the days when she nursed her daughter at her breast and how she had taught her two boys to read; but most of all of how much she missed having them around her feet again. Along with that were the constant memories of the three children that had been aborted. Because of serious health problems she had allowed the children to return to their fathers' to live. The boys to their father and the girl to her father. This mother was grieving over her lost children and nothing anyone could say or do will change that.

Without Carol's willingness to bare her soul, I would never have been able to fully understand the depth of anguish she and other PAS victims suffer. This pain was greater than any other I had ever witnessed. Although the guilt for the destruction of her unborn children does not belong to her alone, Carol believed it was hers to carry. She and Robin became good friends during those years. Next is the letter that Robin wrote to me when she heard about Carol's suicide.

Eleanor Ramsey

P.S. Carol loved strawberries and pink roses. I miss her.

*         *         *

Dear Eleanor,

I'll never forget the first time I met Carol. I cried so hard that my nose bled and bled. She washed my face and held me and told me that she understood and told me how she understood. You see, that was the first time I had really opened up any at all and talked about my having had an abortion. We bonded that day. We shared a common bond in so many ways. We both were recovering from alcohol and drug addiction as well, although my drug addiction was to become very active after that. I was anorectic and bulimic as well. She knew what that was about too. Carol was always giving. She gave so much of herself. Any time she heard of a woman in trouble she was there to help. Rather it was to find shelter, food, baby clothes, a doctor or just lend an understanding ear.

Carol was so full of life at times. But then there were those times when the abortions just wouldn't stop haunting her. I know, because it's the same for me. I know what it's like to hear a baby cry and there not be one around. I know what it's like to close your eyes and see nothing but your babies' bodies torn in little pieces. I know what it's like to wake up screaming in the middle of the night. I know what it's like to stay awake for days for fear of what you'll see when you go to sleep. I know what it's like to be constantly used and abused by others and feel like you deserved it. I know what it's like to feel like you can never be good enough for your kids. Carol went through all of this and then some. She loved her children very much. They were her life. I know what that's like too. You see, in `94 my daughter and my fiance had a big falling out and she told me that as long as he was around I would never see my grand kids again. Those girls were my life. The thought of not having them in my life was more than I could bare. I swallowed a bottle of pills, 50 to be exact, 10 or 12 would have done it. I couldn't make a choice between Ronnie and my girls. I loved all three and didn't want to give either up. Carol had held on for two years without (seeing her daughter) Ali.

That just took her farther back to the days of feeling not good enough, feeling the pain of the abortions, the grief of those children and the grief of the ones she's left behind.

She had so much going for her. She had a wonderful man who loved her very much. For the first time in her life, she had someone who really cared for her and I think deep down inside, she didn't feel deserving of even that.

You see, for someone who has had an abortion, you never really get over it. You never forget the day they died or the day they should have been born. Mothers' day and the Christmas' that will never be celebrated with them can be pure hell. Not only are your children gone but also the grandchildren that will never be. You're not allowed to grieve. That's why we bonded so well. We grieved together. We understood what the other was feeling and what the other was going through.

I remember once we went to a funeral for an aborted baby. This girl had held onto this doll for a very long time after her abortion. She would rock it and sing to it. She even named it. Well we buried that doll that day. We buried our babies with that doll. To my knowledge, that girl is still out there somewhere drinking and drugging, if not dead because she can't forget.

I am so angry over Carol's death. She had so much to give. So much to give...

We're not bad people. We made bad choices and decisions in our lives. The decisions to have the abortions were not always our choice or decision. For those of us who did make that decision, do you think we would have made that decision if we had known what was really taking place? I think not. Would you let someone come into your home, into your baby's room with an ax and chop them into little pieces? That's what happened to us, only we didn't know that is what was happening. You never forget. You never forget.

It's good that we have people fighting against abortion, but we need to take it further then that. For all the millions of babies that have been aborted in this country, there are millions of mothers suffering and grieving. Some will never have another child. Some have children and feel so guilty that they either smother them with too much affection or not enough because of the guilt and shame they are feeling. So many children are suffering today because "Mommy" is suffering. So many mothers and fathers are suffering today because their daughter is suffering. So you see, it doesn't stop with the abortion. It doesn't stop with just being Pro-Life. Too much has already happened. How about someone loving and caring for our mothers before they all end up in the grave like Carol.

Carol spoke openly and publicly about her abortions and so have I. We did it to educate others. Do you know how many times "Pastors" and "Christians" have tried to shut us up? We even got thrown out of one church because the new Pastor there felt that since we were not licensed to counsel, that we shouldn't be there helping others. We went to the school of "Hard Knocks." What better credentials could we have had? Sharing our experience, strength and hope. That's what it's all about. If you haven't been there and don't know the pain and anguish, how can you listen to someone else and know and feel their pain? You can't. If you haven't been there, how can you judge? You can't.

I loved Carol very much. The pain I feel over her death is very deep. She saved my life. I wish I could have done the same for her. I love you Carol.

Robin

COMMENTS by Fr. David C. Trosch:

On April 20, 1996, Carol Carter finally succeeded in taking her own life. It was on the anniversary of one of her abortions. Following two of her more recent unsuccessful suicide attempts, her despair became so great that she slit both of her arms and also slit her throat four times. Her death however resulted from an overdose of sleeping pills before she had time to bleed to death. Her trail of blood indicated that she had removed herself from the stream she had been in and may have been trying to get home to get help. Ever since her first abortion she had tried many times, using many methods, to terminate her own life.

She left behind three living children. The youngest was a twelve-year-old daughter she had been kept from seeing for many years. Carol had three abortions. She was also aware of one partially developed child being killed as a result of her use of IUDs. The number of other children she may have aborted, via birth control pills and other methods, is known only to God.

Though it is common for women who have had one or more abortions to take their own lives in one manner or another, it is extremely rare that these deaths are statistically related to the abortions they had obtained when younger. The average period of denial in regard to procured abortion is about eight years. Abortion related deaths commonly occur after the period of denial ends and they have struggled with suicidal thoughts over a long period of time, frequently for many years. As with Carol, who could not receive the help she needed from anyone but God, several attempts are normally made before post-abortive women succeed in ending the anguish of memories in this life which have focused on their abortion(s).

According to her latest boy friend, with whom she had been living for two years, Carol often had sudden night screaming events wherein she would sit bolt upright in bed screaming and then cry for several hours. During these episodes she could not be comforted. Frequently, during the daytime, when she would see a child about the age of one of her own aborted children --she somehow had in her own mind determined the sex of each child, given it a name, and kept continual track of its age-- or on the anniversary of the death of one of her children, she would begin uncontrollable sobbing or crying. This was often very disheartening for those around her who did not understand the source of her sadness, her anguish.

Methods used to commit suicide are extremely varied. Some die of anorexia, others by overdoses of drugs, both legal and illegal. One woman chose to drive directly into an oncoming truck. Others have driven into light poles, bridge abutments, drowned themselves, etc.

Abusive men played a major role in Carol's life. Though she did her best to help others --after she had become drug and alcohol free while trying to turn her life around-- she had lost her trust in men. Her distrust had become so great she could not bring herself to marry the only man who had not abused her.

Women who have had abortions often marry two or more times and/or live with men who are not their husbands. Having had one abortion they commonly have a replacement child which as often as not they also abort because their basic life condition has not changed. These women are frequently abusive to their husbands and children. They yell at, bait into fights, scratch, beat, and/or throw things at their husbands. The abuse of their children covers the range from extreme over protection --giving it no freedom at all even to the extent of having the child or adolescent sleep with them-- to extreme physical abuse, including torture and death. Verbal abuse of co-workers is also common particularly at times of anniversaries which include date of abortion(s), projected date of birth(s), Mother's Day, and Christmas. Post-abortion complications are numerous. They are highly variable and can be extreme.

Many of these women are repelled by the infants and children of other women. Abnormal and unexplained behavior is prevalent among women who have had an abortion. Few observers ever learn of the reason for unexplained actions or reactions which have abortion as their source. Psychiatrists' treatment of choice seems to be to prescribe a variety of drugs to try to stabilize these women enough to get them through life for another day, and then another, etc. (Counseling is of little help. Association with God through faith is required.) Drugs are given on a trial and error basis. Some of these drugs inhibit the normal functioning of the mind and decrease a woman's ability to mentally cope with her life. Secobarbital (Seconal and generic forms) is known to have been taken by women who have committed suicide. This drug is both hypnotic and sedative. It is known that when taken by elderly (or disturbed) people it tends to bring on or increase nervousness and confusion, thus enhancing the ability to take ones own life. It is also known that interaction with alcohol, tranquilizers, or other sedatives increases the effects of Secobarbital. This drug has been used many times in suicide attempts.

As of yet American psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers have not accepted a Japanese method or variant which has an aborted woman enshrine a representative porcelain doll in memory of the killed child to complete the natural grieving process. Another method of helping to cope with an abortion is for the mother to hold or participate in a burial service for the dead child --using a doll as proxy helps greatly-- whom they have admitted they have murdered. Post-abortive women, who are past their period of denial, do not equivocate in regard to calling their abortions murder (premeditated killing of an innocent person).

Clinicians do not seem to have learned that women are far more capable of dealing with what is visibly observable. That which remains only within their minds is obscured and thus keeps going through their minds in an unending cycle. Spiritual healing through a positive relationship with God is ultimately the only way of accomplishing permanent healing.

Memories relating to abortion remain throughout life. They are never erased. They are only made bearable through growth in real love of God. A true relationship with God takes a substantial amount of time to process and establish. Clergymen need to be involved with this faith development process, but, very few have been properly trained or are capable of working with post-abortive women and their families. Understanding and patience are prerequisite.

The loss of lives of the innocent unborn is only a fraction of the cost paid by society as a whole. One woman I had counseled with over a period of time had had two abortions. She had already consulted so many psychiatrists and had been in so many mental institutions that she knew (relevant) psychology better than the professionals. For her, psychiatry did not help. Her father was paying for a separate apartment for her and supplied her with all of the booze she could drink. Up to that time she had not been able to accept the ability of a merciful God to forgive her for her horrible crimes. Whether she was ever able, with complete trust, to accept God's forgiveness is not known. Her present whereabouts is unknown.

In the Lord's prayer we call God our Father. Abortion murders His helpless children.

fr. David C. Trosch

CHAPTER 4:

The Declaration of Independence: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Science Proves God - Again!

July 1988 - Issue of the National Geographic, Page 18: Frozen clues to human origins are held in a vial... by biochemist Douglas C. Wallace of Emory University. Studying genetic material inherited only through females, he believes that all living humans share a common female ancestor...

Mobile Press Register - November 21, 1995

New York - Every man on Earth today can trace his Y chromosome to one male who lived about 190,000 years ago, before anatomically modern humans had evolved, a study suggests.

Although stories stating millions of years of life on earth cannot be proven, it is interesting that scientists are making claims such as those above regarding the genetic code of human beings. Eventually they will be forced to admit that an intelligent being created all life.

When does life begin? In the beginning God... God breathed the breath of life into Adam... God took a rib out of Adam and made the woman, Eve... Adam said, "This is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh: She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man." Only once did the scriptures state that God breathed the breath of life into anyone... from that beginning came all human life.

DURATION OF PREGNANCY (WEEKS)

A study done in England by Sir Albert Liley, the great fetologist, shows that due to natural hormonal changes most women experience extreme mood swings causing the woman to be severely depressed for some nine or more weeks. THIS IS NORMAL FOR EVEN THE MOST WANTED PREGNANCY. His study also shows that the majority of abortion decisions occur at this time. This is a medically known fact! Why is the medical profession taking advantage of our mothers? Why has the Supreme Court of the United States of America allowed this to happen? Why are we encouraging each other to buy the most demolishing lie of "the Quick Fix" ?

Many have found peace through the healing process that begins when denial ends.

THE BOOK - (Mark 13:17) says, "Woe to pregnant women in those days, and to mothers nursing their children. And pray that your flight will not be in winter. For those will be days of such horror as have never been since the beginning of God's creation, nor will ever be again. And unless the Lord shortens that time of calamity, not a soul in all the earth will survive. But for the sake of his chosen ones he will limit those days."

Embryos Awarded to Woman

Maryville, TN (AP) 9-21-89 - A judge ruled today that seven frozen human embryos caught up in a bitter divorce battle should go to the woman who hopes to have a child with them, not the estranged husband who opposes her wishes.

Circuit Court Judge W. Dale Young ruled in favor of Mary Sue Davis over husband Junior Davis.

He said the embryos created through in-vitro fertilization, were life and not property.

The judge ruled that "from fertilization, the cells of a human embryo are differentiated, unique and specialized to the highest degree of distinction."

Therefore, he said, "human embryos are not property. ...Human life begins at conception."

He said he was granting temporary custody to Mrs. Davis because it was "in the manifest best interests of the child or children" who exist in embryonic form.

Sir Isaac Newton's Law III

Sir Isaac Newton's Law III states that for every action there is always opposed an equal reaction: or, the mutual actions of two bodies upon each other are always equal, and directed to contrary or opposite parts.

Love begets love and violence begets violence. Every time that nature is disrupted, there are bound to be serious consequences. Birth is a natural act and it begets the carrying on of the human race. Abortion is an unnatural act and it begets the destruction of the human race. Ripples from both are far reaching.

Birth gives us children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and therefore the carrying on of the family.

Abortion gives us lost never to be forgotten children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and therefore the destruction of the family.

"The real question today is not when human life begins, but, What is the value of human life?" President Ronald Reagan

In America, parents who "might possibly be" or "could be" having an abnormal child are treated as though they desire to be a drain on society. Effort is most often made to convince the parents that the child should be aborted if it is less than perfect. One local, very popular obstetrician said that he delivers no imperfect babies.

When those of us who are on the side of life take a strong stand against abortion and infanticide or euthanasia, we are told that we are trying to legislate our morality on other people. Not so, those who believe that killing innocent, helpless human beings for any reason, are trying to legislate their morality (or lack of it) on our country.

Planned Parenthood has a bumper sticker that reads, "We Prevent Accidents." Do they prevent accidents by planning parenthood, or by destroying parenthood? They get funding for crisis pregnancy centers, birth control counseling and teaching, and they run the worlds largest chain of abortion clinics. These clinics will teach how to prevent pregnancy, how to do away with pregnancy, and they will teach girls how to get pregnant (if they have not already been successful in getting the public school system to do so for them) - it seems like they will use government funding to promote their cause from whatever angle they can benefit from financially.

Doctor Bernard Nathanson

Doctor Bernard Nathanson who performed or was responsible for, over 75,000 abortions before he came to the full realization that he was killing babies is now the greatest warrior in the battle to stop the killing of the unborn through abortion.

In a conversation on Dr. Dobson's show, Focus on the Family, Dr. Dobson asked, "How do you feel about that today, the thought that their would be 75,000 human beings, or some portion of that number on earth at this time if it had not been for that activity?"

"If you had asked me that question five years ago I would have said I have the feeling of terrible guilt and the feeling that I would never be forgiven. However, about six months ago I converted my faith and was received into the Catholic Church. I have a great deal of remorse and regret over the lives I have destroyed, but I think the moral baggage has been lightened by my conversion.

(In the early 60's) There was no counter prevailing moral force, in other words, we had no idea of what was really in the womb. I mean, it was an article of faith that there was a baby there, but we had never seen it, never measured it ...no sonograms, nothing it was just an article of faith.

In early 1973 ...Ultra sound was maturing, electronic fetal heart monitoring, hysteroscopy, radio-immuno chemistry, all these things gave us a window into the womb. And for the first time we could really study a fetus, and understand, and watch it do all the things that every baby does. And, it finally occurred to me, after 3 or 4 years --I'm a slow learner-- that this was just another member of the community, just like us, and I changed my mind.

...I've had three failed marriages, and that's one of the reasons, by the way, why I understood my life had spun out of control, and I converted and found faith. But between marriages I had impregnated a woman and she wanted to have the baby and I said no. You've got to have an abortion, and not only you must have an abortion but I must be the one to do the abortion because I am the best abortionist in the country, and she said okay, and I aborted, and Dr. Dobson, it was not emotional, it was not a period of high tension for me. I sat on that chair with that machine in my hand and it was as cool and as cold blooded and as detached as any operation as I have ever done in my life. It had no impact on me whatever emotionally."

From a speech given at the N.R.L. convention, New Orleans, LA - June 1987

Dr. Nathanson said, "This is infanticide in a legally privileged place. These innocent unborn babies are being executed without advocate, without trial, without appeal, for the high crime of being unplanned and unwanted. It is a monstrous immorality unprecedented on the slaughter bench of history."

"We must not yield to the politics of despair. And if we are to prevail, each one of us will have to make his or her own personal sacrifice, endure his or her personal suffering. ...Perhaps through the agonies and the broken bodies, the rendered desecrated flesh of our dead unborn, through the passion of this tragedy I have received insights which permit me now to say we are not simply orphans cast into the terrifying immensities of space - in a universe without purpose or intelligence. This cannot be a man-centered universe. And the scientific laboratory is not the new cathedral of man's hopes. God save our children. God's Will be done."

CHAPTER 5:

Once America was a great Christian nation with high moral values. Once our school children knew the difference between right and wrong. That is no longer the case. Now Situation Ethics and Humanism have taken over and replaced the Bible in our schools.

Society has unleashed a monster! We must bring a halt to the evil of PROMISCUOUS SEX. We must teach our children the beauty of sex in its proper place, and how destructive it can be when used outside of God's plan. We must teach our children that anything that is against nature always brings serious consequences. Sex outside of marriage is against God's natural plan and brings serious consequences. His rule book, The Bible, plainly tells us there will be repercussions when we violate that plan. Deadly AIDS is only one such repercussion, abortion on demand and assisted suicide are others.

It is never too late to say enough is enough! STOP! Be determined to go on to better things. Every one of us, if we are determined, can change our life style to one where we can look ourselves in the mirror and be happy with what we see.

A great many men have been crippled to the point where they cannot function responsibly anymore. They have lost the identity that God gave them as leaders in their homes, as loving husbands, and responsible fathers. Many dads spend every evening in front of the TV with no time for conversation or interest in what the kids have accomplished that day.

The Living Bible (Psalms 12:1) Lord! Help! Godly men are fast disappearing. Where in all the world can dependable men be found? Everyone deceives and flatters and lies. There is no sincerity left.

Since 1973, we have allowed a decision by the Supreme Court to permeate and corrupt a whole generation of young people. That decision left mostly unchallenged by our churches has brought about HORROR such has never been experienced before in the history of the United States of America.

That decision stated that a woman's body was hers to do with as she pleases (including the baby inside her body): Abort if she chooses, or not if she chooses. As a people, we have told this young generation of women that it was not the thing to do, to be concerned with the "thing" in her womb; after all, IT just could not be human until born.

Carol said, "Women have become disillusioned with men as leaders and have become hard; women and their children are the losers in this battle of the sexes. The new generation of women is supposed to be strong; no one who has been through an abortion wants to admit that it cuts her to the core inside. If she lets that out, she feels like she doesn't measure up to the modern woman. She is made to appear less than a woman, belittled by those around her. But the pain remains. Many of us (some estimate over 80%) drink and/or drug or have other compulsive or addictive behavior to cover it up but it doesn't help. And we don't know what's wrong with us, or are so far into denial that we refuse to, or cannot admit what the problem is."

Women and men have become traumatized; nobody respects anyone else, the me first philosophy is destroying our very reason for existing on this earth.

Multi-partners instead of the one God said we should have has brought on an epidemic of AIDS that could soon touch every family in the world. Recent studies show that soon AIDS will be the number 5 killer of people up to age 24. Sin begets sin's consequences.

Most men and women do not feel good about themselves anymore. One couple that I know has three children at home, she has had three abortions and one miscarriage, and he had one child aborted and has four living children by four other women. (Any wonder that these two young adults have serious drug, alcohol and marital problems?)

Women do not know how to be mothers. Women are being shocked to hear that it is normal to desire to have children. Carol asked me, "You mean it's okay to want another child when I already have three? What will I tell my mother when she gets upset because I am pregnant again. What about the people I talk to?" I replied, "Ask them if they are GOD, since He designed you, it is His decision to make - not theirs."

Some PAS mothers overprotect their children. They will not allow them out of their sight; even older children big enough to play out in the yard by themselves. Children who are over protected do not learn from their mistakes, they never learn to butt their heads. Too often they become "intolerable brats" who in turn frustrate their parents to the point of retaliating in the form of severe child abuse.

We are now seeing women who had abortions in 1973 and shortly after who were caught up in the sexual revolution, women's liberation movement, the gay movement, etc., who now have teen age daughters who are following their footsteps. A great many of these women are so terrified of newborn babies and the reminder it brings, that if their daughters do get pregnant they cannot stand the thought of being put in the place of holding a grandchild. If they are still in denial, still rationalizing the abortion that they had, they most likely will push this young daughter into an abortion. This also applies to the men who took part in an abortion and are still in denial - they will have no problem with forcing, by coercion, a girl or woman into an abortion.

We must again hold people responsible for their behavior because that is the most moral and effective treatment of all. Whenever you hear that a person just could not help themselves for doing what they did - don't buy it. Do them a favor and tell them that they can help it if they want to.

We must no longer accept deviant behavior as the norm especially when we see children being taken advantage of and being made into playthings for corrupt adults.

It will take a concentrated effort on the part of all of us if we are to change the trend we have been seeing. We must go back to following God's instructions. Any time a person truly repents, and seeks help from God, and makes a determined effort to change, it can be accomplished.

Many people who were once into heavy drinking, drugging, sexual deviancy and other such behaviors, have changed wrong behavior into right behavior without medical treatment. They have proved it can be done - but only if they really want to change. It takes determination and a lot of time because these things are not easy. A change of WILL and admitting that you have a problem is the first step.

Those of us who call ourselves Christians must be willing to help by being a support to those who are seeking to change such habits. We must know that very seldom does a person just quit deviant behavior on the spot. Rarely do people receive instantaneous deliverance. We must be willing to be Christ-like examples. We must be willing to pick the wayward up repeatedly that are still trying - be willing to love them, and keep on encouraging them. Unto the least of these...isn't that what it is all about?

We have been told that there is a "generation gap". We have been told that parents will not understand if a daughter becomes pregnant and is not married. We have been told that separation of church and state means that the church must stay out of government, including school class rooms. We have been told that the State knows better than parents how to make decisions for their children. We have been told that the State knows what is best for our children medically. We have been told to trust science and the medical profession - no matter what.

Is it not time that we started thinking for ourselves? Should we not question why we are being told these things? Why are we losing our young people? Why is it all right to say No to drugs and alcohol but Not to say NO to promiscuous SEX?

Parents can and should be told when teenagers become pregnant. They may get upset and scream and loose their cool. Why should they not be upset? They love this child and it is a shock to them. They must be allowed to get past the shock. They must be understood too. They have put a lot of years of hope into this daughter or son. They want this young one to finish school - they love this child and want only what is best for their child. They will come down off of the roof if they are given a chance. And in most cases they will stand by their child and support her or him through the hard times. They will get past the hurt.

Before Alabama had a parental consent law in effect, I personally observed a nurse in a white van go into a local abortion mill with 4 very young teenagers, about 13 & 14 years of age. The tag on the vehicle showed it was from Florida, and it was during school hours. At $225.00 each that is $900.00. Not bad for a morning's take. Do you suppose that those parents thought their children were in school? Is it possible that this was a school nurse? When I was young, anyone taking girls across a state line for immoral purposes would have been strung up or at least arrested.

Are we headed in the same direction that other nations that have turned their backs on God, and His laws, have gone? Will we loose all of our religious and free speech freedoms before we pay attention to what the Constitution really says and what we will have lost by then? The most precious loss will be our freedom to worship God. We already see signs of that happening to large segments of our society.

Neither the Constitution of the United States of America nor the Amendments says anything about separation of church and state. It does not tell the church what it can or cannot do: It does tell congress to stay out of religion.

Article 1: Congress shall make no law respecting the establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

CHAPTER 6:

Carol said, "We all recognize that the effects of the Vietnam Vet Syndrome, alcoholism, incest, rape, or other trauma, are devastating and far reaching. The death of someone close to you can and often does, leave the same deep wounds resulting in severe damage.

Like these other traumas, Post-Abortion Syndrome (PAS) leaves wreckage so destructive that we call it the "After Abortion Emotion Explosion." A delayed reaction is very common, often surfacing as late as ten or more years later.

These undealt with traumas, or repressed emotions, cannot be ignored without doing critical damage to ourselves and to all those we come in contact with. These feelings that we do not know how to deal with, are warping every part of our being, thus leaving us attempting to live normal lives - while we feel like a volcano just waiting to erupt. This torment must be dealt with!"

Our society teaches women to be independent, pursue a career, delay our motherhood, and make our own decisions and choices. Society also advocates that we avoid commitments and delay marriage. We are encouraged to ignore our instincts calling them "old fashioned," and base our decisions only on what can be considered factual by today's standards.

The fact is that every man, woman or creature alive has inherent paternal/maternal instincts. These instincts give us all a natural internal desire to defend, preserve, nurture, love, and create life. Many fulfil this desire by having children, and others by caring for and loving animals. We can attempt to disregard or ignore our instincts, and at times, may seem to be successful. The repercussions of these repressed or ignored feelings, have the psychological effect equivalent to an erupting volcano."

Women are not the only PAS victims. Others include the fathers who ran from their responsibility and coerced their women into having an abortion; an abortion she did not want. Other fathers trying to save the lives of their children as their women are determined for one reason or the other to obtain an abortion, often as a result of problems in their relationship. The siblings who find out that Mother had an abortion and a brother and/or sister has been destroyed, how do they cope? Grandparents who grieve over children they will never hold nor cuddle; Hope gone for a part of themselves to be carried on in generations to follow. Friends and neighbors who watch as a woman who at one time had everything going for her, and now is into deep self-destructive behavior many years after her abortion. What horror have we allowed to take place in our beloved America?

Abortion is more complex than a WOMAN'S CHOICE because abortion is not the answer to a problem - it is only the beginning of a whole new set of problems for everyone it touches.

We have allowed our kids to be taught that illicit sex is OK as long as parents don't find out or as long as birth control is used and that abortion is the option of choice if pregnancy does occur. We have allowed television, movies and our schools to teach that anything that pleases ones immoral, animalistic instinct is OK. Pornography is OK. Learning how to have sex in detail, in mixed classes is the norm - But, moral values may not be taught.

Families are being torn apart in great numbers with corruption on every side from politics to the churches.

When we allowed God to be taken out of our schools and other public places by the Supreme Court - we set the stage for this hell on earth we are seeing come to pass. We are reaping what we have sown.

It seems to me that we have unleashed a monster that will be very difficult to put back into its cage.

Child abuse is rampant among women who have had one or more abortions. Constant thoughts of suicide are the norm for women who have had abortions. The buried Hell, if not dealt with, will come out in one form or other; her very reason for being a woman has been warped; her spirit and her motherhood have been raped.

She knows that her baby is dead; she probably believes that it is all her fault, and she will put up a defensive wall to keep from getting hurt again. That defensive wall is

Often her other children are the recipients of the explosion of these pent-up emotions; (An explosion generally results in neglect or other forms of child abuse).

I recently met a woman who has had five abortions who told me that she loves her three-month-old baby more than her own life, and does not understand why she has constant tormenting thoughts of throwing him into the Gulf of Mexico.

Before birth, killing this child would have been legal: Why then should we not expect such confusion of thought patterns after abortion; same child, why not kill him now?

Further Symptoms: Striking out so harshly in defense of abortion that it makes one wonder, why you are striking out so harshly? What are you trying to hide?

Overwhelming need to be near babies i.e., working in Pediatrics or neo-natal care units, especially with preemies.

Overpowering need to be pregnant.

Being afraid to have a baby because she fears she will abuse it since she believes she has already killed one child. In her mind she feels she cannot trust herself with another one.

Over sensitivity to the abortion issue: Either compelled to seek out and look at everything possible about abortion, including the grossest of pictures; or will run from those things and any conversation regarding abortion.

Compulsion to buy baby and maternity clothes even though she is not pregnant, nor plans to be.

Remember: Whatever You Are Feeling Is Normal For PAS

CHAPTER 7:

When Carol left us she was making a lot of progress in the area of being a well adjusted mother, but when I first met her she could not even get through one whole day without screaming at everyone around her. These are her feelings as she experienced them.

"Somebody...turn down the noise in my mind! I heard babies crying every day even when the children I had were sleeping. The constant desire to have another baby was driving me to the point of obsession. I wanted to conceive again regardless of any consequences - Replace Baby Syndrome - I now understand it fully!

I expected myself to be a perfect Mother, yet no human being could ever measure up to that. I constantly compared myself to other mothers and I always came up the loser. I never measured up as a wife or a mother, to what I thought I should be, and that resulted in continuous kicking myself emotionally every minute of the day. It always ended with me feeling like I only deserved death.

It was once said, `A person who lives with no forgiveness in his heart has a worse punishment than death'. A Living Hell is the only appropriate term for the turmoil I lived in during that time in my life and consequently for my family too.

When anyone thinks so badly of themselves, they cannot possibly function as they should or lead any kind of an organized life style. Child abuse happens at this point because mom or dad is so far into a pit, and feeling so bad from the constant turmoil they find themselves in, that it ends up coming out on the children.

When you have been heavily burdened with negative feelings for so long it can easily become hard to function. It can and often does cause severe health problems. As a result of all of this, child neglect can easily occur on a regular basis".

In our counseling sessions we have seen many cases where sexual abuse becomes prevalent from either or both parents following abortion.

Carol said, "My second child had a birth defect, a cleft lip and palate that I blamed myself for. I thought God was punishing me for having an abortion before my first son was born. No one could convince me this wasn't my fault! This is a malformation of the nose and mouth causing severe eating problems and requiring many years of corrective surgery and training. Since I feel so protective of my kids now, during a recent hospital stay for severe croup I would not leave my son's room when the nurse needed to do a nose culture.

Just the day before a preacher had told me, 'You are such a beautiful person and if only you would go to church, your children would not be sick,' implying to me that something I was not doing, or was doing was making my son so ill.

The nurse did the nose culture on him and I had to help hold him down. Afterwards, I grabbed him and held him to my chest. I looked at the nurse and said, 'You will never do that to him again!' The nurse attempted to console me and I violently shook her hand off of mine. She knew I would have no part of any consolation.

Then it hit me... The volcano - I thought I had gotten out of it's path, but all of a sudden I was back in the pit of Hell thinking everything was all my fault..."

JW said, "No one told me that I would have to cope with the guilt that the only two children I would ever bear - I aborted. That I would have to cope with the guilt that I was responsible for the death of my own children. When we adopted our two precious children the feeling of being a bad mother seemed to just come along as a side effect of the two abortions. The wound from those abortions, that left me sterile, was so deep that it seemed the scar would never heal. The feelings of having to overcompensate for everything that concerns me or my children wouldn't stop.

I could not be good enough, no matter how hard I tried. My children had to be perfect, always super neat, not one hair out of place - ever. I had to be Super Mom. I always had to push to be just a little better - I had to. I overprotected them. Even a simple spanking became a nightmare. I was terrified that I might hurt one of these two children.

The greatest thing I have learned after two years of healing and growth in Jesus Christ is that the world will not come to an end if I make a mistake. I now accept the fact that I have bad points, but so what? So does everyone else. I also have some good points and that's all right too.

I am learning to accept the bad times and the good times, and know that whatever state I am in at a given time is okay, and to accept the fact that God loves me even when I am not perfect. How good that feels."

Robin came through a long healing period in which she has had to learn how to function as a mother.

She said, "My children were so grossly affected by my abortion that the odds of them living a normal life was very slim. I felt so awful inside for what I had done and I had so much guilt built up inside me that I could not live with myself. I definitely could not cope with raising my children. I had killed a baby and believed that I had no right to be given the responsibility of raising kids. I felt too unworthy to be called mom. Mothers don't kill their children. Only horrible people, like me, kill their children.

At one point in my life I was so determined that my children would not turn out like me, that I was so strict on them that they were not sure if mommy loved them, or hated them. My daughters could not do anything well enough to suit me, while my son could do no wrong. You see he was a replacement baby. He came along after the abortion. I never spanked him, never punished him, and as a result my daughters thought that I loved him more than them. Not to mention I was creating a little monster. That child was so bad at one time that no one could stand to be around him.

I now know that no child can be replaced. God made each child uniquely different from any other. One day I will meet my twins face to face * - what a day that will be.

I look back on these things and I praise God for the place He has brought me to today. I pray that I will never forget where I came from because I do not ever want to forget what God has done for me or to minimize how important I am to God or how important my children are to God. That's why I keep fighting. God didn't bring me out of the pit for me to sit back and let the devil destroy lives. God has made me what I am today.

My entire family has been pulled from the pit of despair. Now we are a family. I can put my arms around my children and tell them that I love them and I can receive their love in return. We can laugh together and cry together and do all those things that a family is supposed to do. We can even pray together. Praise God!"

Carol often shares her testimony with women she comes in contact with, and they with her. As a result she is able to understand very well what is happening to our young women.

Carol said, "Our society has taught in this last generation, and is still teaching our young women to stand on our own, be career women, be independent, use our brains and make our own choices. We all have instincts that are inbred in us. An abortion slices your motherhood to pieces. Try as we may to deny our instincts they remain there. Instincts to share, with a man, in the procreation of life, to nurse, cuddle and nurture, and protect a child. The miracle of life and innocence of a newborn can touch even the hardest of hearts. The sights and sounds of a newborn can stir feelings we didn't know we had; can draw a stranger across the room in awe.

A great majority of us who have had an abortion get hung up in this triangle; can't get off the merry-go-round; can't make decisions; can't keep a job; burned out emotionally or stay in a pit. Others hide it well - keeping it all "together," the image of the perfect woman - until another pregnancy, a miscarriage, or worse yet, give birth - and the tiny hands and feet - and every part of your being knows exactly what has happened.

Some women think when they miscarry that God is punishing them by not allowing them to have another child. Everything becomes our fault... Self punishment becomes the norm for our lives. Never does it enter our minds that emotional damage from the abortion could possibly be the root problem, so we end up in a never-ending triangle, constantly bumping our heads, trying to be the perfect mother, never understanding that no mother is perfect (24) hours a day.

Every time a child gets a bump - it's mom's fault. The constant frustration brings on screaming fits, emotional and physical abuse that only leaves us more guilty."

(Keep in mind that a woman so full of guilt will believe that even a very mild spanking or getting angry at a child is terrible abuse. But, too often the abuse is severe.)

* See Publisher's Comment at beginning of book.

Joyce said, "I blow up at the kids over small things, I cannot chastise them over things that I should. I don't know how to handle the children I now have. A little boy of three who loves me and knows everything in the world is his. A little girl who is to be a teenager in two weeks. One minute she is growing the next she is not. A young son so like his father. So much right, so much inside, who is emotional and explodes. Just normal children in a not so normal world. I am so sad! I am OK. They are OK. It is not OK!

I dump all of my garbage on my young son. He says, `I love you mother.' I must stop, he is an epileptic and cannot handle my garbage."

Pam said, "Every part of my being was warped to the point where my own kids thought I was completely insane. I was a constant embarrassment to them. I couldn't stand for them to feel that way. Because I considered abortion when I was pregnant with my fourth child, I forced myself to be 'SUPER MOM.' To teach him everything myself. I overprotected him and almost destroyed him."

A knock at the door, I answered it and there stood a pretty young woman of about 25 years of age. She introduced herself as Barbara and said, "Someone told me that you have raised (11) children and maybe you could help me with the problem I have." I said, "Come on in and I will see what I can do to help."

We sat down at the old round dinning room table where so many problems had been worked out through countless years and over a cup of tea the story unfolded.

Barbara told me about her three children who were driving her up the wall. She could not tolerate her six-year-old son at all and wanted desperately to give him away. She said she had been to Parents Anonymous but felt she was getting nowhere.

I started asking questions to get to know her better before I could try to direct her for help. As she unfolded the story of her life three abortions were mentioned along with the fact that she was an alcoholic and drug addict. Cocaine and alcohol were her preferred drugs. She felt she had to be "Super Mom" to make up for the death of her other children. Barbara felt like a total failure because she could not be "Super Mom."

Because of the frustrations caused by not being able to get anything accomplished in her life, she was taking out those frustrations on her children. This mother had been abusing her children and insisted that she had to give this boy away.

When asked if the substance abuse came after the first abortion, she said, "Yes, I could not stand the constant crying of a baby I could not find. I thought I was going insane."

In this case this mother sought counseling and after three years is stable in her relationships with her children. But: These siblings have been severally hurt, contributed to directly by the severe warping of their mother's natural maternal instincts by abortion.

I get calls on a regular basis from Barbara with questions on every area of mothering. I have had to teach her how to mother, how to be a wife, how to get herself and her family off of the over the counter "drugs" she had them hooked on. How to use fresh fruits and vegetables instead of junk foods to get her family healthy. She insisted on antibiotics every time one of them sniffled. That in turn tore down their natural immune systems - they were sick all of the time. It has been hard, but rewarding when I see her house clean, her children healthy, her husband bringing her flowers, and a garden planted with beautiful vegetables in it.

She is not perfect yet, but then, I am not either. One day she heard me yell at three of my grandchildren who had tested my patience to the breaking point - She said, "You actually yelled at them? As much as you love them, and you yell at them, and you never had an abortion?" I said, "Yes, almost every mother that I have ever known, has become frustrated with her children at one time or other. That does not mean that you are abnormal or do not love them. Goodness knows that I love my grandchildren.

* See Publisher's Comment at beginning of book.

CHAPTER 8:

On a beautiful Spring day recently, Juanita came into see me in our office and with her was her little nine-year-old daughter, Penny. Penny is such a pretty child, very bright and asks a lot of questions. Her mother was very frustrated by the belligerent attitude this child was demonstrating against her in front of everyone.

Juanita left the office for a few minutes and Penny told me, "My daddy said mommy killed a baby, she had an abortion. What's an abortion? I hate my mommy, it's bad to kill a baby." Penny told me that she feels inside like the picture on the office wall. The picture that she spoke of is of an eye with tears, in the eye is a baby, in the tears are an empty baby bed, a teddy bear, and a blade with a drop of blood and a vacuum machine. I said, "Honey, do you know that your mommy feels like that too?"

This little girl looked at me and said, "Do you mean my mommy is sorry and didn't mean to hurt a baby? My reply was, "Honey, your mommy told me she cries inside all the time for the baby, she really misses the baby, and I know that she never hurt any baby on purpose."

I knew her mother very well, and knew that she was literally coerced and blackmailed into the abortion by her husband, the father of this little girl.

Penny knew her mother was pregnant and they had talked about a new baby brother or sister. I encouraged Penny to talk to her mother about how she feels inside. When they got home, Penny asked her mother about abortion, and told her that I had said she cried inside for the baby that was up in heaven.* They talked, and now the child knows what her daddy's part in the baby's death was too.

This did not heal the wound. It did open the communication between this little girl and her mother. In a time of anger this dad struck out at mom, and this in turn built a huge gulf between mom and daughter. And now we have a child angry at dad too.

Multiply ONE LITTLE GIRL by MILLIONS who have been so wounded. Ask yourself a question, is it any wonder we have so many suicides in the pre-teen and teen years?

When 13-year-old Stacie arrived home from school she was met by her next door neighbor... "Stacie, your mother is not home, she's at the abortion clinic killing her baby." When I spoke to mom later that evening, she told me about a teenager gone crazy. This child refused to go to school, refused to obey her parents, and for all practical purposes - just quit living. School problems began. Stacie had been an "A" student. Truant officer visits began, then a threat to remove this child from the home.

Stacie begged her mother to have another baby; mom tried but did not conceive. Stacie started sneaking out to see a 16-year-old boy. Very soon she was pregnant. The parents let them get married when they finally accepted the fact that nothing else was going to work.

This girl had made it very clear that the baby she grieved for was going to be replaced. She had a healthy little boy. But, it is impossible to replace a child. Every child is a unique human being and cannot be replaced. Stacie still has problems over the baby that is not there.

How many other teenagers have felt the same way? High teen pregnancy - why? Why should we expect young teens to think differently than this one did? Her sibling was destroyed. She hurt! She wanted that baby. Why not get another baby to take its place? She knew how - our schools make that fact very clear to our kids.

Ava was engaged, with a teenage daughter, and had an abortion because the guy left her and she had no one to turn to. Ava told me that she was at her wits end and did not know what to do with her 13-year-old daughter.

The police had called her and said that they had locked "Jane" up for the second time on disorderly conduct charges because she was drunk.

As Ava talked, I asked her when this behavior had started. She told me the best she could remember was early in June. I said, "Ava, that is less than a month after you told me you had your abortion. Did `Jane' know about the abortion?"

Her answer was "Yes, she was very upset over it." As we talked, it became very clear that this teenager was acting out as a direct result of not being able to handle the death of a sibling. Jane had never been a problem to her mother before, nor had she been a problem at school, until the abortion.

Ava was like so many others, she was so wrapped up in her own grief over the loss of the baby, that she failed to see the grief of her daughter.

It took a lot of counseling to reach anything resembling peace in the lives of this mother and daughter.

Less than one year later, Ava died as a result of lingering complications from damage caused at the time of the abortion.

Nadine's mother was an alcoholic and Cocaine abuser. She could not function as wife or mother. Her habits were putting this family in the poor house. One day Nadine found a letter that mother had written to the "doctor" who had performed her abortion. He had talked her into a 22-week abortion by telling her she could not live if she did not have it. Later she had found out that the condition was treatable. Nadine screamed at her mother, "I HATE YOU!"

The next day, Nadine came home from school with a Swastika cut in her thigh, India ink was poured into it to make it permanent. Nadine said, "I joined a Satan worship group today - I don't want anything more to do with you or your God."

Nadine is now 14 years old. Twice now she has had pregnancy tests because she is bound to get pregnant. It is deliberate, and she does not care that her parents know that it is deliberate. The first test was negative - the second was positive.

Should we expect her and others like her to react differently? This mother's body was later found by her two children. She died from a drug and alcohol overdose.

Grace: "My daughter Joy wants to fight abortion. She has asked me to put in a hot line for teens in crisis situations. My son was 13 when I decided it was time to let my older kids know how abortion had so afflicted me. When he understood what abortion was and that it had happened to me, he became fighting mad. He wanted to know who made abortion legal and was told that the Supreme Court of the United States of America had done that. He was ready to take them on, he said, "Let's sue them!" He had to be told that you cannot sue the Supreme Court and he said, "That's not fair."

The following paragraphs are from an Associated Press release headlined, "Scientists infect mice with the AIDS virus."

"Researchers have long been frustrated at the lack of a good 'animal model' to study the human immunodeficiency virus--HIV--that causes AIDS."

"In September, scientists in California reported that they had been able to transplant characteristics of the human immune system into mice, a breakthrough..."

"As previously reported, the human immune system was developed in the mice by transplanting liver, thymus, spleen and lymph node cells from aborted human fetuses into the mice."

(Friends, a fetus is an unborn baby.)

When children read things like this, know that a sibling has been destroyed by abortion, how do you suppose they will react? Will they think like children and wonder if their brother or sister was cut up and put into a mouse? Will mothers and fathers wonder if that is what happened to their offspring; destroyed while they were in a state of vulnerability? How many mental institutions can we build? ...and pay for? We already have far too many non-functioning teens and pre-teens without this being added to the problem.

SUSAN, I LOVE YOU...and I'll see you one day sweetheart! *

Note # 1: "When I was about three and a half years old my mother had an abortion. I believe very strongly that the reason my mother had the abortion was because my grandmother, who is on my dad's side of the family, pressured her into it. She treated my mother like DIRT!!! I'm pretty sure my little sister's blood in on my grandmother's hands as well as my mom's and my dad's. I was too young at the time to know my mother was pregnant or for that matter to know what being pregnant was. It wasn't until years later that I found out that I could have had a little sister. It hurts me to know that someone who was a part of me never had a chance to live.

As far as me knowing that my mom's aborted baby was a girl is quite simple. My mom said that she never knew if the baby was a girl or a boy, but she strongly felt that it was a girl. Shortly after she had the abortion, my aunt (her sister) called her and said that she had a dream that my mom had a baby girl. My aunt never knew that my mother had been pregnant. That was a confirmation from GOD.

Jesus helps me handle the hurt of missing my sister by giving me people at PAIRS to talk to who listened and understood my pain. I read a brochure telling of a vision that one of the women PAIRS counsels with had. I now know that Susan is alive and with Jesus * and He also comforts me personally.

I feel joy in my heart that I'll see my little sister one day.* Glory to God!!! Before I end this letter, I have one more thing to say. My mother was going to name me Susan if I was a girl but I turned out to be a boy. So since my little unborn sister never had a name, I've given her one. 'Susan, I love you and I'll see you one day sweetheart. God bless you.'

My mother had the abortion in 1973, the same year abortion was legalized.

Note # 2: "I was around thirteen years of age when I learned that my mother had an abortion when I was three years old. I do think that I should have been told earlier in life. Maybe I could have gotten help long before now. As it was, I was at a terrible age, and I blotted it out of my mind so it would not bother me. However later on it did. For a while I hated everybody that had any part in it except my mother and I was terribly mad at her. I didn't let any of them know how I felt. Thanks to God I was able to forgive them. I realized they needed God as much as I did. Sure it's been a rough road but Jesus constantly helps me through it all. When kids hurt, whether at 1, 2, 13, 19, or at any age, I hurt. God has let me know they are my kids (figure of speech if you know what I mean)."

One day recently this boy broke down and sobbed at the altar in our church. I went to him, put my arms around him and cried with him. To God be the Glory for the work of healing He is doing in this young life.

Note 3: "When I last saw you and then went home, I got my heart broken. I was on the couch reading one of my books when the video "Let Me Live" came on the TV. I laid there and watched it awhile, trying to hold back my tears. I managed to hold them back until the last part of the song. It was then that I burst into tears. I buried my face in a pillow on the couch so that my mother couldn't see me. I didn't want to break her heart any more than it already was. I went to my room and prayed and cried. I wished you were here to comfort me, but then Jesus comforts me and I praise Him for that. Warriors for Christ always stand strong."

Shirley was one of our clients at the LEU crisis pregnancy center where I worked. Her test was positive and she was five weeks' pregnant. She was happy about this pregnancy even though she was not married, and had two other children.

A few days later she came back with a very tiny, perfectly formed, little human being, in a cup of water. Fingers, toes, everything that a full term child would have except in miniature, a perfectly formed little baby, about three-fourths of an inch long (2 centimeters). She told how she had held him in her hand for about three minutes while she watched his heart stop beating. This mother said, "I want you to have this baby if it can help save the lives of other babies."

We put the tiny body in Formaldehyde to preserve it.

Only much later did Shirley tell me that this baby lost his life as a direct result of an abortion just a few weeks before she got pregnant with him. Little Chris was a replacement baby, as is very often the case after an abortion. The empty arms must be filled. She later had another child, and she and the children's father were married in our office.

That tiny child was and is very special to us, we care for him as one of our own. He deserved an identity, and because we could not determine the sex we chose Chris; Chris could be a boy or a girl's name; but most important it is short for Christ, who now cares for this child * in his mother's place.

Shirley never forgets her little one and has come back often to see that he is still safe. Now another little boy has been born to them. They thought about naming him Christopher, but Shirley decided not to because there was already a "Chris" in the family.

This mother said she will never have another abortion - no matter how hard times get. She has been tested as her husband was injured severely in an accident and has now been in a coma for several months. During this tragedy she could have had an abortion and most would have understood - but she knew she would never get over it.

Note: This young father died without waking from the coma he was in.

I believe this is one of the most difficult areas to deal with. No one knows for sure if or when, a given child should or should not, be made aware of an abortion in the family. If others know about it then your children probably will find out sooner or later.

Children everywhere are becoming aware of abortion(s) that their mothers have had or are talking about having. Parents must take great care in dealing with this issue and may even choose to seek professional counsel.

It has been my experience that children KNOW what is happening in their homes. Parents try to hide things from them, but somehow they know. Think about it. Did you know about things in your family as a child that your parents thought you did not know? Did you learn them accidentally or by snooping? Did you ever overhear a conversation that you were not supposed to hear?

It has been my experience that children do not deal with these things well if they find out from someone else, or accidentally. It is my experience that they can better deal with things they learn about straight from Mom. Death is a part of life and should be dealt with as such.

If dealt with as with any other unhappy subject that effects them - matter of factly, (not hysterically) letting the child know that Mother is sad because the child is gone - most children should be able to handle it if they are also allowed to ask questions and have their questions answered.

It should be made very clear that mother did what she thought she had to do at the time, that mother did not intend to hurt a baby. Mother did not know that it was a baby yet.

Double talk (euphemisms) such as: POC (product of conception; we all are that), embryo, fetus, fetal tissue, words used instead of baby, are nothing but the Abortion Providers, Sales Pitch Double Talk.

Do not let anyone destroy your relationship with your child by saying that you knowingly killed a baby. It is the rarest of women who purposely get pregnant just to go and get an abortion with the thought in mind that they are going to kill a baby. I do not believe that pregnant women who are sober and drug free, willingly and by Free Choice, and with full knowledge, kill their children. Almost every time it is with extreme duress of one kind or other.

Since there are so many people in our midst who are rude and crude enough to say such cruel things to children, you must prepare to deal with it. For deal with it you must at such a time. If not dealt with it will fester and cause a lot of trouble in the life of your young children in school and elsewhere.

Adolescence and pre-teen years are the most vulnerable because they are going through so many hormonal changes in their bodies. They may strike out at you, but please be patient with them. They must be reassured that they are loved, reassured that you did not want them to die too. Proper communication is vital if you are to get past the hurt feelings.

Children will love their mother no matter what she has done - she is mother - and no one or anything can change that.

It is the abuse the children receive from a mother that is so full of guilt that children cannot deal with. They feel unjustly punished and that brings on the rebellion.

Children are not equipped to understand that mother's emotions have been warped so badly. That she does not realize what her inability to show them love is doing to them. She knows that she is in a pit but does not understand that they too are in a pit of despair.

It may be necessary for you to seek professional counsel if you or your children are having trouble dealing with an abortion in the family. Please do not just assume that it will not bother your children if they know about it. Most children that we have come in contact with just are not able to handle it without help. Please try to be sure that the counselor is one who is sensitive to children's hurts.

"The physical I can deal with, and the fact that I will never have another child is very difficult to live with. Very difficult. But the emotional trauma overwhelmed me when my mind told me that I had lost children, not pieces of tissue, but actual children. A woman's body and mind knows this. And to deal with it in a world that doesn't want to admit it - keeps you in a shell by yourself. This buried knowledge that they were children must be dealt with.

I am teaching the two children I now have about the evil of abortion from the cradle up. My four-year-old knows that two of her siblings were destroyed by doctors who lied to me so they could make money. I am teaching my children not to believe EVERYTHING that doctors tell them but to ask questions and check out what they are told. We talk about it openly as we do any other area in which a question comes up. She sees the pictures on TV. She knows, and my son will too as soon as he asks."

* See Publisher's Comment at beginning of book.

CHAPTER 9:

This is Ken's testimony as he stood by Laura through all of her years of trauma as a PAS victim. Laura's story follows his.

Ken said, "There were many signs that something was not right before I married Laura. She said that she never wanted to have any children, but I passed it off as unimportant or insignificant - thinking she would probably change her mind after a few years of marriage.

Laura also said that she had an abortion which I also passed off as insignificant in my ignorance. After we had been married a few years she became more and more afraid of getting pregnant, to the point of making normal sexual relations impossible.

When she finally did get pregnant everything seemed pretty peaceful, almost blissful. Then when she gave birth to our son though, the abortion came out. It seemed like all Hell broke loose inside our home for the next one and one-half years.

Satan unleashed all of his fury over that birth in our home. He constantly told Laura that she could not be forgiven for the abortion. He constantly tormented her by reminding her of the child that had been aborted. Satan is the accuser of the brethren. But praise be to the most High God, he didn't succeed in destroying her, our son or our marriage.

Satan would stop at nothing to try to destroy our family, including my wife, our son and myself. My wife attempted suicide through drugs several times unsuccessfully. God just wouldn't let her go without showing her His powerful touch and healing her through the awesomeness of His infinite love.

I knew, and a close friend in PAS counseling confirmed that Jon was the key to my wife's emotional healing. Oh the joy I've seen in my wife as she has seen her baby's unconditional love for her when she felt that no one else accepted her just as she was. Wow! That Mother's love for her child that was stripped away with the abortion - I've seen return and blossom.

It is awe inspiring to watch Laura with our son. Such love is beyond anything I had hoped for. Our marriage is now on a solid footing and all of the glory goes to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

If not for the person of The Holy Spirit and the prayers and encouragement of friends and people that had experienced PAS our home would not be together today.

My testimony as a husband of a PAS victim is that there is HOPE."

"It all started one hour after Jon was born," said Laura. "I became hysterical, hyper-ventilating and couldn't stop crying. I became violent in the hospital, throwing myself around screaming, `I don't want him.'

My doctor called in a psychologist to talk to me and he advised me to go to Searcy Hospital - because he knew something wasn't right.

All I could think at that time was to get rid of him - or me. I wanted to run away but he came home with me anyway.

About a week later I convinced my husband, Ken that we should give him up for adoption. If only someone would take Jon, I could kill myself and be out of this Hell I was in.

We took him to a counselor friend and asked her to take him. She said she would not help me put Jon up for adoption, but she took him home with her and kept him off and on for several months. I did not tell her until many months later that I had intended to kill myself as soon as I knew someone else had Jon. I could not stand the constant reminder of the fact that Jeremy was not here. When I tried to keep him, I would leave Jon in his swing and listen to rock music and smoke pot and hide, pretending that Jon never existed. I could hear babies crying often... I would get up to check on Jon but He wasn't crying, he would be asleep, repeatedly this would happen. I cried more and more. I couldn't cope with anything.

Before Jon was born, I lived in my house isolated from people. I wasn't going to be hurt anymore - so I thought. My home was my coffin, I did lots of drugs and kept the curtains closed. I stayed in a room and blotted out my life with hard rock music. I was a backslider to the uttermost. Religion (law) had killed (faith), but the Spirit gives Life. I smoked three packages of cigarettes a day, smoked dope, and the only reason I did not drink was because of stomach problems. I had no women friends at all. My diet was Peanut Butter cups and Fudge strips - that was all. Food was far from me.

I met this guy and he was very similar to George, my aborted baby's father, and in ways we related through partying. I became pregnant and was deceived and had Jon because this guy said he would stick it out with me.

God had to do something, I was so messed up about life that I probably would of had many abortions if this incident hadn't taken place. There were times when I would flip out being pregnant and once tried to attack Jon in the womb. I could hear him scream and run to the back of me.

I insisted on having a tubal ligation soon after Jon was born, never again would I go through this Hell.

It is hard to let go, because I had so many flash backs of George leaving me and now I had to give up Jon's dad. For the better, I chose to do what God said and stay with my husband.

I was in so much bondage that I couldn't live a normal life. The only thing I had was death to me, Life was far from me. My picture of God was warped severely by this time.

At night I would wake up at two or three and start screaming, rolling on the floor saying, 'It's happening all over again.' This happened very often. I would yell at my husband saying, `You killed him, you destroyed my family.'

I had Jon put in a foster home for three months because God told me to, He knew how afraid I was that I would kill Jon. While Jon was in the foster home, I would hold this doll that I had, and rock in the rocking chair with my mind almost gone. My arms would ache so badly I could sense wanting to replace him.

The genetic dad kept coming back and tried to control me by manipulation. He beat me many times and almost killed me while under demonic influence. My husband and I got into a few fights too. I had cracked ribs and weighted 92 pounds and was dying. All I could hear from both of them was 'SELF' speaking loud and clear.

I didn't want Jon anyway, I was so warped because of the abortion. Sometimes I would scream at Jon and say, 'STOP IT!' He wouldn't even be doing anything wrong. I would lash out at him wanting desperately to wipe him off the face of the earth. When I would scream, it was horrible.

Jon's genetic dad was my dealer and I went to him for all kinds of drugs after Jon was born. I overdosed on anything I could get my hands on. Valium, crack, coke, T's and Blues. Anything that would put me out. I was being deceived into thinking that taking my life would stop it all.

There were many tears. My family was trying to help me but they made things worse because they couldn't understand what was happening to me. My emotions were greatly disturbed. God wanted me to move to another city because of the intense warfare in the natural and spiritual realm. (When the wicked pursue, the righteous hide themselves.)

God...He's still the same today, yesterday and forever. I know I'm here because of this Savior and Holy loving merciful God. He's there and has lots of love to give. God's goodness can never be measured by cold worldly love. I can say this much, Jesus is the only one who can meet the need of divine love. No one else can.

God caused my husband to stand through this Hell with me. I believe that we have been attacked by every demon in Hell. I prayed that Ken would stand by and not ship wreck, I needed to know he was there. We both mess up... But... God can and does fix it...

Jon - what a sight this child is, through all this and the way that I would scream at him, he would just keep loving me. Coming back with arms of love, never, pushing me away.

I've been whipped by God, and I'm learning that obedience is the sacrifice, not Jon.

I'm in my second year of PAS recovery now and it's a lot better, been through much deliverance, lots of ministering, and tons of counseling, along with being in Charter Hospital. The one who helped me find PEACE is my Sovereign God... Jesus praying at the right hand of the Father. God has put my emotions in line with Him. I no longer have a hole in my emotions. Many miracles and healings are making me a new woman.

I still battle with having Jon around me and I go through wanting to get rid of him. I still can say I need more of God and less of me. More of deliverance, lots of life.

The battle is raging, but we have overcome the war. Only through Jesus Christ can I overcome till the end of time."

CHAPTER 10:

Where have GODLY MEN gone? Once they could be found all around us, now we must ask, "Where have they gone?" God gave the MAN the responsibility for the family. Today, we see very few men who put their families need's before their own desires, and fewer yet who are willing to make marriage a life long commitment.

The men who came forward and gave the following testimonies are an example of what a repentant man is. It took great courage to speak out as these have.

John said, "Four of my children were aborted - I love children and always wanted a houseful. I had just gotten out of the Army, and just started in college as a pre-med student. I was teaching gymnastics and had a very good, full life.

The very first date I went on, with her on the pill, she became pregnant. I believed in doing the `RIGHT THING', so I said, 'Whatever you want to do, it's up to you.' My first child paid the supreme penalty for my actions.

What a mistake that was. I now know it was not up to her to decide, that was my child too. It was a cop out - but I honestly thought it was the thing to do then. We were not in love. It is not the woman's CHOICE, but the man's responsibility. I now know that God has the answer to the problem as with all problems. There are no gray areas in HIS BOOK on this question. It's black or white - all of those abortions were black.

As a pre-med student I had taken the biology and chemistry course. I had seen the cells separate and grow, but I still had a vague idea that at this point in time it was still just a mass of tissue cells. I didn't realize until later that the heart was already beating and had been since 18 days after conception. I did not put it together because these abortions occurred after 6 weeks when she had a positive test. By then the baby is completely formed with fingers and toes and so beautiful. From then on it only needs nourishment and growing time in the womb.

When I saw the "Silent Scream", and "A Matter of Choice" it hit me full force that there was absolutely no question that abortion was wrong. I was not even a Christian but I knew it was wrong. Even at the time of the first one, I felt that somehow something was still not right, But, 'It's her CHOICE.'

I did say that we could get married and have the baby or I would pay for an abortion...She had the abortion and we ended up getting married anyway. We didn't love each other but we now had a common bond. She was on the pill the next three times she conceived. The next abortion was right after we got married.

The pill was supposed to keep this from happening - it didn't work. Don't put your faith in the pill.

We eventually ended up getting a divorce. You just can't keep on killing your children and live happily ever after. There are repercussions. After her last abortion she never resumed her normal menstrual cycle during the time I knew her. She since has had a lot of psychological problems and I have heard that she still has.

I became a Christian and I thank God for His grace. I remember and think about what I did, but it no longer is a gnawing, eating pain. To know that you can be, and are indeed forgiven. To have my sin washed away and wiped out of the Book of Life is the greatest gift of all.

I am now married to a beautiful Christian girl. Our home is full of love and she is pregnant. I can tell when the baby is awake or asleep and she's not going to be born until this summer. I can tell you one thing, she listens to my voice. I can see her respond - that baby is alive.

I found out the hard way and the Lord showed me a lot of things. We must reach out to others in Love realizing that they too were deceived and now are feeling very guilty... They know they have done wrong, but do not understand why they feel so guilty.

We must educate, we must start teaching the little children that abortion is wrong. We must teach them that pre-marital sex is wrong. We have a great responsibility to the children. We must not take it lightly. If you do not speak out, God is certainly going to hold you responsible.

If you talk to those who have had a baby, especially the teenagers, you will find that if they had felt loved they wouldn't have gotten pregnant. If they had felt that they could talk to their parents and that they would understand and support them if they had kept the child or given it up for adoption, they would not have had an abortion. If they had just felt love from the home it wouldn't have happened. The home is the place to start the healing of our land.

My first wife literally thought her father would kill her. I believe that God will hold us accountable for not only what we do but for what we allow to be done. The Word says that if we do not tell a wicked man of his ways, then that blood is on our hands. Get involved...

Teach the children that there is a real easy way not to get pregnant in the first place - just do not have sex. Teach the girls and the guys that it is OK, to say NO. You can love someone and still say NO. Teach the boys their responsibility, it takes two to make a baby and it is his responsibility whether he likes it or not. Married or single it is his responsibility and the blood will be on his hands.

If I had known this then and even if we did not get married and I had to face the embarrassment of a baby and not married, I still would have told her no abortion. That would have been the honorable thing to do - not the cowards way out. I have no more right to be part of the killing of my unborn child than if I went out and shot someone. There is no choice in either one, they both involve killing human beings.

We must all work together to put a STOP to this evil. We must stop killing our unborn children. You will never forget the children that should be there with you. My only peace is in the knowledge that one day I will see those four children face to face.* They are being raised by Jesus Christ in my place."

While we were on a talk show the first of October of '88 a father called and talked to one of our counselors. He said, "I'm an ex-father. My girlfriend came home one day back in, (excuse me, this is kind of hard) '73 and she said that she was pregnant and she was crying, and I was just getting over the Vietnam experience. The government said it was fetal tissue and so did the ACLU and Planned Parenthood. So----. The Hell and torment that I go through sometimes... I know what sometimes you-all go through. I was just wondering...that sometimes, how do you-all get your emotions about this in place? Sometimes I wake up with nightmares, or when I see a child in a grocery store, I look and say, "Well my child would look just like that."

Leroy said, "I made the decision for Connie's abortion. I didn't want the responsibility of a child and I thought there was only a little mass of tissue there. I just `blocked out' the whole situation."

"I continued to turn off the abortion and the realization as to how an unborn baby is killed. When those things came on TV, I changed the channel as fast as I could."

When they decided to adopt a little girl, Leroy said, "I knew then the horrible thing that had been done. I kept thinking that something terrible was going to happen to this baby, because God could not bless us with a child after what we had done. I just knew that He was going to take her from us because of what we had done. I felt we were unworthy and unsaveable."

"For ten years my little boy came to me in my dreams, so tiny that he could fit in my hand, I knew him, I named him, I knew the color of his hair and his eyes, the torment was horrible. I never told anyone about those dreams, not even Connie."

"For those ten years I experienced a "rage" that is beyond description. When Connie and I tried to talk about the abortion, it always ended in a brutal fight. We fought each other with leather belts. Beating each other until we were exhausted. Connie would cower in a corner and thought she was going out of her mind. We became verbally abusive to our adopted daughter although we loved her more than words can tell."

"Jesus alone could take away the horrible pain and rage. But for years I believed He could not forgive me. Then He showed me that he did love me and that He could forgive me. I cried out to Him - and at last I am free of the constant torment that I was in."

Jeremy said, "I was 25 and married when my wife had an abortion against my wishes. I tried to stop the abortion, tried to change her mind, but I was helpless. I had no power to help my own child.

I wanted that child and felt a terrible sense of loss when I knew I would never be able to hold my son or daughter, never be able to watch that little one grow up. I wish that child could have lived long enough to have experienced love and known some of the good things in life.

I am now a Christian and God has assured me through the Word that I will see that child one day.* I have re-married and have two children by this union. The only dark cloud in our happiness is when these two happy children bring back the memory of the one that should be with them, but is not because of the awfulness of abortion."

Jay called just to talk, I have known him for several years, watched him grow from a boy to a handsome young man of 20. He had been crying and he told me that a month ago the girl he was engaged to had an abortion and told him about it after it happened. The knowledge caused a deep rift in their relationship that probably will never be healed. He now grieves over his lost child. This young man looked forward to a family...

To top that off, he found out today that this girl had convinced his 14-year-old sister that abortion was the answer to her pregnancy. Less than a month ago his dad died and his mother is still grieving over that. His mother knew about the baby and agreed to help her daughter.

Alabama now has a parental consent law in effect - but this parent was not notified. Only after the fact did she learn that her grandchild had been destroyed. She took her daughter to the hospital to be sure that she was all right.

In less that six weeks, this woman lost her husband and two grandchildren; This young man lost a dad, his child and a niece or nephew. This girl of fourteen while under the stress and grief of her dad's death and funeral was taken advantage of, and her child was destroyed.

I call this family destruction ...not choice or rights. I call this taking advantage of the grief of others. There is no way we would allow this kind of manipulation to take place in any other area of life. We would call it fraud and put a stop to it.

Jamar said, "We weren't married at the time and when Anne became pregnant I thought abortion was the simple solution. It was my responsibility and I thought since abortion was an everyday occurrence it was the thing to do. All I knew was that it was legal. I thought it was just a little white mass and I didn't know how it was done. I did not want to realize it was a live human baby.

For years I put it out of my mind. Anne and I could not talk about it without fighting. Why talk about it, all we do is end up shouting at each other. Whatever problems we had, the abortion intensified it. Why talk about that when it seemed like we had enough other problems to talk about?

I had nightmares and I felt like I had no self worth. My nightmares were always about a little baby girl. As I learned how a baby was formed, I started having nightmares about that too. It wasn't until I was saved and washed in the blood of Jesus Christ that I could say that my baby was safe in the arms of Jesus.*

My dreams now were about a perfectly formed little baby girl with strawberry blond hair, and I knew her name. I had such a terrible time dealing with this because I wanted Anne to have the abortion. I had been brought up in a Christian home and I felt like I could not be forgiven and saved because of what I had done. The guilt was almost too heavy to bear.

I felt I could not be forgiven for such a thing as abortion. Thank God He showed me I could be forgiven. Jesus can forgive almost everything, even abortion.

We were not told anything about the development of a baby. At the clinic they said Anne was pregnant. All they talked about was the abortion, get the money and get us on our way. There was no follow up at all. You get more follow up from having a tooth pulled."

Donald said, "I did not want to accept the responsibility, I was not ready to get married and shoulder the responsibility of a baby right then. I knew I was shrinking my responsibility, but right then I was scared. No one told me about the physical pain the woman would go through, or the emotional pain that would follow for her, myself and our families after it was over. I had no knowledge, except that it would terminate a pregnancy.

It has destroyed our relationship, and I will never forget that I was responsible for the death of my own helpless unborn child."

Note from Josh McDowell Ministry:

SUICIDE of a young FATHER:

Dear Josh,

On December 5th, 1986, our wonderful 17-year-old son committed suicide. ..."Why?"...For months we searched for answers to his suicide and discovered that his girlfriend had had an abortion. ...After the abortion, our son nurtured, loved and cared for her (so much so that he failed to take care of himself). She finally ended their relationship by totally ignoring him and isolating him from her life. Barry saw himself as a bad person who had ruined this girl's life and his guilt became too much for him to bear. ...Barry was a Christian. In the note he left us, he told us not to worry about him as he was going to God and that God would take good care of him. (PUBLISHER'S NOTE: Barry deceived himself. Suicide is self-murder. It is against God's commandment.)

Society's quick fix philosophy that has permeated the thinking of our young people carries much of the blame for the deaths of this young boy, his child, and of the life long agony that the parents, grandparents, and siblings will go through. Does anyone think that this young girl, who had her baby aborted, will ever forget? Will she one day commit suicide too, as her way to stop the memories?

* See Publisher's Comment at beginning of book.

NOTE: The above is about one-third of this book. Your comments concerning what you have already read is of interest. Excerpts or quotes from book may be used against the evil of abortion, with permission, for non-profit purposes only. Acknowledgment is to be given in standard format.

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