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English La Ayuda financiera Necesitó
ABORTION and the HIGHWAYS June 5, 1996
Dear Eleanor, I'll never forget the first time I met Carol. I cried so hard that my nose bled and bled. She washed my face and held me and told me that she understood and told me how she understood. You see, that was the first time I had really opened up any at all and talked about my having had an abortion. We bonded that day. We shared a common bond in so many ways. We both were recovering from alcohol and drug addiction as well, although my drug addiction was to become very active after that. I was anoretic and bulimic as well. She knew what that was about too. Carol was always giving. She gave so much of herself. Any time she heard of a woman in trouble she was there to help. Rather it was to find shelter, food, baby clothes, a doctor or just lend an understanding ear. I remember in '92 when Carol came down. We had written to each other and talked on the phone, but had not seen each other for a while. She got so angry. I weighed about 85 pounds and was still losing weight. I was not far from death at that point. She told me she would be back in a week and that I would be checking into a hospital either willingly or she would get a court order through crisis intervention, but one way or the other I was going to get help. I knew she'd be back, and she was. She came to visit me at the hospital and left with me a coin that had a picture of Jesus on one side and John 3:16 on the other. That coin has never left me. I carry it with me everywhere I go. Carol saved my life that week. She saved my life. By the time I agreed to get help, my heart was barely beating, my pulse was so weak that the nurses couldn't detect it and my kidneys were going to shut down at anytime. Carol helped pay my bills such as rent, utilities and groceries, plus helped pay my hospital and doctor bills.
She had so much going for her. She had a wonderful man who loved her very much. For the first time in her life, she had someone who really cared for her and I think deep down inside, she didn't feel deserving of even that.
I am so angry over Carol's death. She had so much to give. So much to give . . .
It's good that we have people fighting against abortion, but we need to take it further then that. Of all the millions of babies that have been aborted in this country, there are millions of mothers suffering and grieving. Some will never have another child. Some have children and feel so guilty that they either smother them with too much affection or not enough because of the guilt and shame they are feeling. So many mothers and fathers are suffering today because their daughter is suffering. So you see, it doesn't stop with the abortion. It doesn't stop with just being Pro-Life. Too much has already happened. How about someone loving and caring for our mothers before they all end up in the grave like Carol.
I loved Carol very much. The pain I feel over her death is very deep. She saved my life. I wish I
could have done the same for her. I love you Carol. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robin
Following two of her more recent unsuccessful suicide attempts, her despair became so great that she slit both of her arms and also slit her throat four times. Her death however resulted from an overdose of sleeping pills before she had time to bleed to death. Her trail of blood indicated that she had removed herself from the stream she had been in and may have been trying to get home to get help. Ever since her first abortion she had tried many times, using many methods, to terminate her own life. She left behind three living children. The youngest was a twelve-year-old daughter she had been kept from seeing for many years. Carol had paid for seven abortions. She was also aware of one partially developed child being killed as a result of her use of IUDs. The number of other children she may have aborted via birth control pills, and other methods, is known only to God. Though it is common for women who have had one or more abortions to take their own lives in one manner or another, it is extremely rare that these deaths are statistically related to the abortions they had obtained when younger. The average period of denial in regard to procured abortion is about eight years. Abortion related deaths commonly occur after the period of denial ends and they have struggled with suicidal thoughts over a long period of time, frequently for many years. As with Carol, who could not receive the help she needed from anyone but God, several attempts are normally made before post-abortive women succeed in ending the anguish of memories in this life which have focused on their abortion(s). According to her latest boy friend, with whom she had been living for two years, Carol often had sudden night screaming events wherein she would sit bolt upright in bed screaming and then cry for several hours. During these episodes she could not be comforted. Frequently, during the daytime, when she would see a child about the age of one of her own aborted children -- she somehow had in her own mind determined the sex of each child, given it a name, and kept continual track of its age -- or on the anniversary of the death of one of her children, she would begin uncontrollable sobbing or crying. This was often very disheartening for those around her who did not understand the source of her sadness (anguish). Methods used to commit suicide are extremely varied. Some die of anorexia, others by overdoses of drugs, both legal and illegal. One woman chose to drive directly into an oncoming truck. Others have driven into light poles, bridge abutments, drowned themselves, etc. An abusive mother and abusive men played a major role in Carol's life. Though she did her best to help others -- after she had become drug and alcohol free while trying to turn her life around -- she had lost her trust in men. Her distrust had become so great she could not bring herself to marry the only man who had not abused her. Women who have had abortions often marry two or more times and/or live with men who are not their husbands. Having had one abortion they commonly have a replacement child which as often as not they also abort because their basic life condition has not changed. These women are frequently abusive to their husbands and children. They yell at, bait into fights, scratch, beat, and/or throw things at their husbands. The abuse of their children covers the range from extreme over protection -- giving it no freedom at all even to the extent of having the child or adolescent sleep with them -- to extreme physical abuse, including torture and death. Verbal abuse of co-workers is also common particularly at times of anniversaries which include date of abortion(s), projected date of birth(s), Mother's Day, and Christmas. Post-abortion complications are numerous. They are highly variable and can be extreme. Many of these women are repelled by the infants and children of other women. Abnormal and unexplained behavior is prevalent among women who have had an abortion. Few observers ever learn of the reason for unexplained actions or reactions which have abortion as their source. Psychiatrists' treatment of choice seems to be to prescribe a variety of drugs to try to stabilize these women enough to get them through life for another day, and then another, etc. (Counseling is of little help. Association with God through faith is required.) Drugs are given on a trial an error basis. Some of these drugs inhibit the normal functioning of the mind and decrease a woman's ability to mentally cope with her life. Secobarbital (Seconal and generic forms) is known to have been taken by women who have committed suicide. This drug is both hypnotic and sedative. It is known that when taken by elderly (or disturbed) people it tends to bring on or increase nervousness and confusion, thus enhancing the ability to take ones own life. It is also known that interaction with alcohol, tranquilizers, or other sedatives increases the effects of Secobarbital. This drug has been used many times in suicide attempts. As of yet American psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers have not accepted a Japanese method, or variant, which has an aborted woman enshrine a representative porcelain doll in memory of the killed child to complete the natural grieving process. Another method of helping to cope with an abortion is for the mother to hold or participate in a burial service for the dead child -- using a doll as proxy helps greatly -- whom they have admitted they have murdered. Post-abortive women, who are past their period of denial, do not equivocate in regard to calling their abortions murder (premeditated killing of an innocent person). Clinicians do not seem to have learned that women are far more capable of dealing with what is visibly observable. That which remains only within their minds is obscured and thus keeps going through their minds in an unending cycle. Spiritual healing through a positive relationship with God is ultimately the only way of accomplishing permanent healing.
The loss of lives of the innocent unborn is only a fraction of the cost paid by society as a whole. One woman I counseled with over a period of time had had two abortions. She had already consulted so many psychiatrists and had been in so many mental institutions that she knew psychology better than the professionals. For her, psychiatry did not help. Her father paid for a separate apartment for her and supplied her with all of the booze she could drink. Up to that time she had not been able to accept the ability of a merciful God to forgive her for her horrible crimes. Whether she was ever able, with complete trust, to accept God's forgiveness is not known. At the present time her whereabouts is unknown. To kill an unborn child is a cowardly act. Perhaps the phrase, provides an insight to the internal feelings of women who have obtained abortions regardless of the validity of the reasons presented. In the Lord's prayer we call God our Father. Abortion murders His helpless children. Fr. David C. Trosch  Editor
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Robin, the writer of the following personal letter, is driving an 18-wheeler on
America's highways. -- The nation does not recognize PAS (Post Abortion [Trauma] Syndrome). No one wants to deal with the consequences of
abortion on the women who have procured them. However, the evidence of
the effects on family and society is mounting. How many tragic events are
taking place as a result of abortion? There is no way of knowing. The following is only part of one long and heart wrenching story. There are many other tragic tales to present in future newsletters. Our indifferent society only takes notice when tragedy affects them personally. Tragedies' time is quickly coming.
That just took her farther back to the days of feeling not good enough, feeling the pain of the
abortions, the grief of those children and the grief of the ones she's left behind. (The picture at the right is that of a young man who is weeping because he has just learned from his mother that she has had one of his siblings murdered.)
You see, for someone who has had an abortion, you never really get over it. You
never forget the day they died, the day they should have been born, Mother's day can
be pure hell. And Christmas' that will never be celebrated with them. Not only are
your children gone but grandchildren that will never be. You're not allowed to
grieve. That's why we bonded so well. We grieved together. We understood what
the other was feeling and what the other was going through.
I remember once we went to a funeral for an aborted baby. This girl had held onto this doll for a
very long time after her abortion. She would rock it and sing to it. She even named it. Well we
buried that doll that day. We buried our babies with that doll. To my knowledge, that girl is still
out there somewhere drinking and drugging, if not dead because she can't forget.
Carol spoke openly and publicly about her abortions and so have I. We did it to educate others.
Do you know how many times "Pastors" and "Christians" have tried to shut us up? We even got
thrown out of one church because the new Pastor there felt that since we were not licensed to
counsel, that we shouldn't be there helping others. We went to the school of "Hard Knocks."
What better credentials could we have had? Sharing our experience, strength and hope. That's
what it's all about. If you haven't been there and don't know the pain and anguish, how can you
listen to someone else and know and feel their pain? You can't. If you haven't been there, how
can you judge? You can't.
COMMENTS: On April 19, 1996, Carol Carter finally succeeded in taking her own life. It
was on the anniversary of one of her abortions.
Memories relating to abortion remain throughout life. They are never erased. They are only
made bearable through growth in real love of God. A true relationship with God takes a
substantial amount of time to process and establish. Clergymen need to be involved with this faith
development process, but, very few have been properly trained or are capable of working with
post-abortive women and their families. Understanding and patience are prerequisite.
