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Priests – Abortions – Confessions
4 6 4
And behold a woman... came behind him
and touched the hem of his garment:
For she said within herself, if I may but
touch his garment, I shall be whole.
Matthew 9:20-21
I don't know that I can do this story justice in my writing, but if you could touch my heart you would feel my many emotions.
My sister wrote the following poem:
How Can I Turn Back the Hands of Time?
The songs you will never hear
The cheers you will never cheer
The stories that will go untold
The wagons that will go unrolled
The trees that will go unclimbed
How can I turn back the hands of time?
The empty room where you should be
The loneliness that hovers around me
The thousands of undried tears I have shed
The pains of the past that I once led
The mistakes of yesterday -
- When will they leave?
The sweet sound of a happy child -
- That I grieve?
The hopelessness that I feel
- For a bond that I did not seal.
The sounds of a life wanting to be lived,
- Dear Lord, teach me to forgive.
When will it stop, this hurt of mine....
How can I turn back the hands of time????
- by Deborah Sandoz
I have never experienced an abortion but the more I read the poem and think of her death, the more I know abortions go with you to the last stages of a functioning body unless you have received counseling and a touch from the Almighty.
My sister and I were diagnosed with cancer about a year and one-half apart - she has since passed on. During her life time I could almost tell you the anniversary of every abortion from her actions. Her perception of life was so scattered and torn she often tried to hurt herself, sometimes I think unbeknowingly. I cried and prayed; I also became, as each year went by, a lot more knowledgeable of the later effects of abortion.
Before she passed God had let me know it was time for me to go home to stay with her until He took her. Trust me, I loved her, but this was a trip I didn't want to make, however, I've also learned when God says go - you better go.
I personally wasn't doing real good with my own cancer apprehensions, but somehow, as each day passed, my cancer problems could not override the task God had set before me.
I watched my sister through all the pain and crumbling bones become a ball of fear that was so saddening it hurts to go back there. Debbie couldn't die, she would say, God couldn't have her now. I read everything I could find in the Word on fear, over and over to her all night long. She received Christ as her Savior but she was so young with the Lord that she couldn't let go and find the peace she so desperately needed.
On a Monday night I stayed with her at her home. I had read to her and I was just so tired I had to lay down. I went into her front room and falling asleep was easy, but staying asleep wasn't. The first time I was awake I would've put money on the fact that there was a small group of kids playing above me. I immediately went to my sister Deborah to make sure she was okay. She was sound asleep. This was unusual in itself, the way she was in and out of pain. Well needless to say, my selfish self was plugging it back to the bedroom and tossing everything off to dreams. I probably was asleep before my head hit the pillow. About one and one-half hours later I was awakened again to the sound of children, but this time I was hesitant and laid in bed for awhile wondering if I was really awake or not. I felt tugging, heard laughter, smelled fresh cut grass and ran to my sister almost in a panic. I watched her for awhile and she seemed to be doing okay, so I went and sat in the kitchen checking to see if I had taken the wrong medicine or something causing my earlier hallucinations, ha, ha! That was not the case.
After awhile I knew if I didn't go on back to bed the daylight would be too close. My sisters pain seemed to get hard around day break; I wouldn't be able to rest. I went back to bed but this time almost a chill filled the room with the little voices – I'm here to tell you I was awake. I decided whatever was going on wasn't going to let me sleep, so I went ahead murmuring and put on some coffee and just sat up.
I spent quite a bit of time trying to figure if I was just worn out, or had my cancer moved to my brain; Why in heavens name would I even be thinking such nonsense? My other younger sister woke up and I asked her about her sleeping and she said she had slept wonderfully. Trust me - at this time I just was not feeling too chipper about the entire night. My flesh was overriding all the insight God was sharing with me.
By Friday my sister had to return to the Hospice Hospital and my heart was breaking as she screamed not to send her back, we were killing her. [In order to get morphine Deborah had to go to a hospice. However, she believed that once there she would have to stay until she died.] There were several hard days ahead of us, but out of everyday she kept asking for a priest and absolution. Three different priests came and ministered to Debbie at different times. They came, she wasn't satisfied, in fact it got to the point where they just refused to come anymore. [NOTE: To knowingly omit confessing a serious sin invalidates a confession.]
She kept telling me she couldn't go yet, she just couldn't. Well about two nights before she passed she woke me
up one night saying, "Teresa, see them, look at them, hanging all around my bed!" I looked and saw nothing until she started yelling, "I'll be damned, I didn't want you on this earth why do I want you now?"
For a brief moment I saw six children, one looked to be approximately twelve years old with a young boy's face that I have not forgotten to this day. He would have been the first boy in our family in this generation. The other five were younger. The children left, Debbie calmed down and I started catching onto what God had been trying so hard to reveal to me. She needed forgiveness for those abortions, she needed to know she was forgiven, she wasn't going to let go of that fear, she wasn't going to be at peace, she hadn't forgotten. At this time the cancer was in her brain so you can rationally justify this situation anyway you want, but my cancer still isn't in my brain and all this wasn't dreams, it was real.
I called for another priest after breakfast and talked to him about what I thought was eating at her very soul and also asked him to please bring up the issue of abortion as I didn't think she would. He had to. She had to know this issue was settled on earth and in Heaven. He went in alone and talked with her and did whatever else priests do. I waited by the door praying that God would give my sister the peace she needed and that Satan could no longer hold her in bondage. The priest finally left and of course I was just all over him about the abortions issue and all he said was, "it is all right now." When I walked back in her room I don't know who got touched or changed the most, her or me. For the first time Debbie was not in a panic, she seemed to have order and total peace. Debbie was no longer fearful as she had found the forgiveness and peace she so desperately longed for. She died shortly afterwards.
Jesus turned round and saw her; and He said to her,
"Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole."
And the woman was made whole from that hour. (Mat. 9:22)
If there was anything to add to all you have received by reading this, please, if you believe that abortion ever solved any problems, tell me you will reconsider your thinking on the whole abortion issue; or, if you have had one, please seek help through counseling and the Lord. Trust me, it doesn't just go away, it'll haunt you even at death. My prayers are with all eyes that read this, that God will touch you in the way you need to be touched.
Debbie's sister,
Teresa Murphy
Post Abortion Syndrome Stories of Family Destruction
Examination of Conscience for Confession
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